Kyle Armstrong

Kyle Armstrong


I think it's safe to say that ~Arthouse~ isn't really my tastes.

Top 4 Favs:
Subjective | Objective | Recent | Cuspers

Favorite films

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Pinned reviews

  • Descendants



    The best DCOMs are the meta-DCOMs.

    I say that fully aware of my own subjective bias when I state that claim. As a person, I'm predisposed to enjoy any and all forms of metafiction - books, TV; fourth wall breaks, authorial intervention; wink nods, references, the whole nine yards. I have no idea why I like this type of thing - maybe I'm a pretentious asshole [my bet], maybe I'm just a person who likes the analyze structure a bit…

  • Never Rarely Sometimes Always

    Never Rarely Sometimes Always


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    TW: Abortion, rape, abuse, alcoholism, suicide

    $385. That’s how much an abortion cost in the state of Rhode Island in 2013.

    We were in love. That is to say - I was in love. It was the kind of love that no one in reality has ever experienced, the kind you can only find in pop songs and movies. The kind you run out to coddle at 2 AM. The kind where a minute apart is two minutes too long.…

Recent reviews

  • RBG



    With Death comes fear. Not so much a metaphysical fear of what will happen to the deceased's spirit postmortem. Although this is what we all fear about our own personal death, it is not really the root of the fear behind our mourning of others. No, the fear that comes when a loved one dies is completely founded in the continuation of their life on earth. How will they live on in the memories of those who knew them? How…

  • Can of Worms

    Can of Worms


    Have you ever been just walking down the road en route to pick up an extra box of Mac and Cheese for dinner because you accidentally spilt the one you had all over the floor, and on this noble journey, unprovoked, you randomly recall the weird ass creature monsters you drew in your sketch book in elementary school in the years before you started to notice girls/guy/both and said to yourself, “How did I come up with that shit without…

Popular reviews

  • The Knight Before Christmas

    The Knight Before Christmas


    My fiancée: "You know, he wouldn't even know what the word 'cozy' means."
    Me: "Dude, if I think too hard about this movie, it'll ruin it."

    Five minutes later...
    My fiancée: "You know, he probably wouldn't even know what an orange is."

  • Teen Beach Movie

    Teen Beach Movie


    I think when most people talk about film, they want to talk about it as a Valid Thing™. For some reason or another, unfortunately, "validity" is defined by how "high brow" it is, which means merit lies in artfulness. It's why romance novels are buried in your aunt's bathroom, and why video game enthusiasts are so adamant to be taken seriously. Of course, there's a whole separate conversation of validity gained through subversion/transgression, i.e. camp, but camp has more to…