Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead ★★★

To think, the catalyst to this Zombie outbreak was a sexy blowjob in a car.

Who doesn't love a good BJ?
I myself have only had two, by two different women. The first was pretty amazing. The second, meh, not so much. And she had a tongue stud too. They say it's supposed to be great, well I guess her technique was off.

I've never had a blowjob worth running a car into a military convoy for. That bitch must have been fucking spectacular. I mean, I'm talking Pamela Anderson quality.

So yeah, a blowjob causes a massive accident and a Zombie escapes and infects the whole of Vegas.

So then years later the stylish and cunning Hiroyuki Sanada convinces Dave Bautista to go back to Vegas with a team and get a fuck load of money from a vault.

Bautista has a kid, an ungrateful bitch of a daughter who doesn't like him because he had to kill her Zombie mother or something. Bautista wants to be a good Dad and thinks perhaps money might bring them back together.

This, of course, is the cephalic machinations of Zack Snyder.
We live in his universe, not the other way around.

Gotta say I absolutely loved Tig Notaro, kicking out that big dick energy up in this bitch, ya heard?
She was great!
She totally stole the show.
I wish they'd based the whole movie around her character instead.

Now I gotta talk about the Queen Zombie. I thought she was very sexy, for a Zombie, if at all that's possible. I'm saying if I was a Zombie guy, I'd definitely date her. Yeah, Snyder has made me very sexually confused and I was pretty confused before. This has made things slightly worse.
I don't want these emotions when watching a Zombie flick, you dig?

Kerja_Relon liked this review