I'll watch anything once, and almost nothing twice.

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Recent reviews

  • Piranha



    While investigating a missing persons case, a couple stumble upon a (QAnon-worthy) conspiracy involving the Pentagon breeding mutant piranhas to win the Vietnam War, and other equally ludicrous outcomes. Chomping ensues.

    Of the many, many post-Jaws 'aquatic death' films, this is one of the better ones. The production level is surprisingly competent (given Roger Corman's standards) and there's just enough carnage to keep the plot moving forward steadily.

  • Seven Beauties

    Seven Beauties


    It certainly ranks as one of the weirdest Holocaust movies to date: a small time Italian crook bumbles his way from jail to the insane asylum, to military conscription, to the concentration camp. There, he decides his only hope for survival lies in his ability to seduce the block kapo. Hilarity (?) ensues.

    Here is Wertmuller at her darkest and angriest (but also, inversely, her absolute funniest). Instead of focusing on her usual Marxist narratives, she instead targets the petit bourgeois, drawing a direct line from their moral corruptibility and fearful self-preservation to the destruction of (literally) millions of people.

Popular reviews

  • My Giant

    My Giant


    My favorite interpretation of this film is the one where Billy Crystal actually drowns at the beginning, and the rest is the product of his brain slowly dying of oxygen deprivation. Fight me if you disagree.

  • Jarhead: Law of Return

    Jarhead: Law of Return

    Remember Jarhead? That smarter-than-average depiction of Marine life, starring Jake Gyllenhaal? I have no idea how this happened, but it somehow metamorphosed into a demented, jingoistic series of direct-to-video shovelware.

    This particular incarnation takes the form of lots and lots of macho dick jokes, vaguely racist depictions of the Arab world, and just a hint of BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI-distrust of 'the system', whatever that means.