Top Gun ★★½

Controversial yet objectively factual opinion: Maverick is the villain of Top Gun. We’re clearly supposed to resent Iceman for trying to stifle Maverick's unbelievably bitching bad-boy flying skills in the name of "SAFETY" and "REGARD FOR OTHERS" (boooooo!), but you know what? Maverick is a desperate, narcissistic, posturing, alienating, twerpy little prince with a monomaniacal fixation on personal glory at the expense of the safety of everyone around him, and FURTHERMORE, Iceman literally only says valid, responsible things the entire time:

Iceman: "You’re everyone’s problem. That’s because every time you go up in the air you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous."

Maverick: "That’s right. Ice…man. I am dangerous."

MAVERICK. IT IS BAD TO BE DANGEROUS.

HOW IS ICEMAN THE VILLAIN OF THIS MOVIE???????

BECAUSE HE LIKES SAFETY???????????????????????

THIS IS WHY AMERICA IS THE EPICENTER OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.

Also, Meg Ryan is so good in this! So louche and alive! But, on the other hand, like I said, if he was a real person I would shoot Maverick with a crossbow.

(This review is excerpted from my new book Shit, Actually: The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema, available October 2020, and used with permission from the publisher. You should preorder it!)