Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead ★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Long, bloated, and cheeeeesy.

I wish I could say this film was just being intentionally flippant, but then the film spends so much of its time taking itself very, very seriously.

The entire plot is so stupid that I struggled to even have fun with it, the characters were exceedingly generic, everything about them (outfits, that giant stupid saw, etc) was nonsensical, the story elements were laughably predictable, the emotional moments all fell flat, the plot was largely advanced by thoughtless character decisions, and it only narrowly avoided being completely un-funny.

I can appreciate that this film handled the "smart/evolving zombies" concept better than the other attempts that I'm aware of, but when your script leads to a zombie king impregnating a zombie queen, then the zombie queen dies and the zombie king rips out the fetus, literally cries, and presents it to his zombie court like fucking Simba... then you need to workshop that script a little more. You can start with an editor. Or maybe just run your ideas by some friends at the water cooler first. Anything. Jesus Christ dude.

The action scenes were ok when they weren't cheesy cringe. Everything was over the top, and sometimes that worked, but mostly it did not.

Oh, and Dieter is my spirit animal. Dieter is bae.

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