Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End ★★★★★

I had an incredible day today! At film school we had a cinematographer do a presentation. He was super legit and an actual professional in the industry who's done huge projects and been around huge people. But he actually gave us incredible information and advice that was super helpful. He brought a camera that ROGER FREAKIN' DEAKINS HIMSELF TOUCHED AND USED WHILE FILMING TEST FOOTAGE FOR "SICARIO"!!! AND I GOT TO HOLD IT!!! I got to direct a little bit on one of those cameras too!!!

And that was already cool enough. But after that, my teacher specifically decided to show him a film that I made in class. And he didn't just like it, he LOVED it!!! An ACTUAL professional in the industry who adores this artform LOVED my short!!! It was amazing to get an opinion on a short that I've made that wasn't from someone either in my family or my friend circle, where I feel like there might be a bias towards me that I can never fully trust. He was super honest and candid. There was no layer of bias or false encouragement. It was beyond refreshing to hear words so positive come from someone that I not only didn't know but who was, I remind you again, an ACTUAL professional who knows how films are made and why they work!! And as someone who goes through major Impostor Syndrome nearly every single day of my life, you don't know how badly I needed to hear his words.

After today, I felt like I deserved to watch something that means a lot to me, so I put on "At World's End". I just felt like I owed that to myself for once. It was a perfect end to a perfect day.

For the first time in my life I feel so seen, so heard, so validated, so appreciated! My heart is very full! I cried. I mean, I've loved movies my entire life. You know this. They are an essential part of my being. They are my world. It's all I think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I legitimately can barely function outside of their existence. If I can't be a filmmaker, if I'm not good enough at the one thing I love with all my heart, then I seriously don't know what I would do. I don't know where I'd be emotionally. But today has made me feel like maybe all of this, maybe my entire life up to this point hasn't all been for nothing. Like I'm not a failure or a disappointment. Like I'm worth something. Like dreams can come true! I don't care how corny that sounds, I mean it!

I'm sorry, and I know this whole rant has sounded egotistical and everything to you all, but I'm just so thankful for everything right now. I'm thankful to my mom for being so supportive of what I love, my close friends who never let me quit on anything, and you guys here on Letterboxd. I really wouldn't be here, both emotionally and physically, if it weren't for you. I love you all so much! <3

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