The Social Network

The Social Network ★★★★★

eduardo: mark! MAAARRRRK!!!
sean: he’s wired in
eduardo: sorry?
sean: he’s wired in
eduardo: is he?
sean: yes
eduardo: *SMASHES THE SHIT OUTTA THE COMPUTER*
eduardo: hOW BOUT NOW?? STILL “WIRED IN” ???!11
sean: *whispers* call security
eduardo: you issued 24 million new shares of stock
mark: you were told that if new investors came along…
eduardo: how much were your shares diluted? *points to sean* how much were his?

*cut scene*

lawyer lady: what was mr. zuckerberg’s ownership share diluted down to?
eduardo: it wasn’t
lawyer lady: what was mr. moskovitz’s ownership share diluted down to?
eduardo: it wasn’t
lawyer lady: what was sean parker’s ownership share diluted down to?
eduardo: it wasn’t
lawyer lady: what was peter thiel’s ownership share diluted down to?
eduardo: it wasn’t
lawyer lady: and what was your ownership share diluted down to?
eduardo: .03 percent

*sad music* *sad looks*

*cut back*

mark: you signed the papers
eduardo: *almost in tears* you set me up
mark: you’re gonna blame me because you were the business head of the company and you made a pad business deal with your own company?
eduardo: this is gonna be like i’m not a part of facebook!
sean: it won’t be like you’re “not a part of facebook” … you’re not a part of facebook
eduardo: my name’s on the masthead
sean: you might wanna check again
eduardo: just because i froze the account???
sean: did you think we were going to let you parade around in your rediculous suits pretending you were running this company-
eduardo: I’M SORRY MY PRADA’S AT THE CLEANERS! ALONG WITH MY HOODIE AND MY ‘FUCK YOU’ FLIP-FLOPS YOU PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG
sean: security’s here, you’ll be leaving now
eduardo: i’m not signing those papers.
sean: we will get the signature.
eduardo: *to mark* tell me this isn’t about me getting into the phoenix
mark: *scoffs angrily*
eduardo: *in disbelief* … YOU ! YOU DID IT! I KNEW YOU DID IT YOU PLANTED THE STORY ABOUT THE CHICKEN!
mark: i didn’t plant the story about the chicken
sean: what’s he talking about?
eduardo: you had me accused of animal cruelty
sean: seriously, what the hell’s the chicken
eduardo: *LEANS IN VERY CLOSE TO MARK / VOICE LOW AND DANGEROUS / HAND MOVEMENTS BECOMING VERY TENSE* and i’ll bet what you hated the most was that they identified me as co-founder of facebook, which i am, you bETTER LAWYER U P ASSHOLE BC IM NTO CIGMING BACK FOR 30% I’M GCIMIGN BACK FO RN EVERNYHTRGING !!!!!!!!!!