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  • The Lake House

    The Lake House

    ★★★★★

    The Lake House Drinking Game

    Sip:
    1) Keanu talks to an inanimate object
    2) Unnecessarily dramatic camera angle
    3) Sandra wears capris
    4) Keanu wears a blazer over a t-shirt/hoodie/turtleneck
    5) Anyone wears a turtleneck
    6) You recognize an outfit you wore in 2006
    7) They sit/stand/walk in the same spot the other has just been
    8) Keanu is earnest*

    Gulp/Finish the Drink:
    1) Keanu cries
    2) Someone says, "It's about waiting."

    *only if you want to get drunk

  • A Hidden Life

    A Hidden Life

    ★★★★

    -Is this the end of the world? Is this the death of light?

    -We are like a breath. We are a shadow that passes away.

    This film worked for me in a very specific fashion. I certainly understand a reaction of weariness toward these stories about WWII; the constant invocation of human trauma that tears open wounds while also somehow allowing the trauma itself to become simplified and limited. Anyone choosing to skip this film--it is an understandable choice.

    For…

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  • Girls Just Want to Have Fun

    Girls Just Want to Have Fun

    STAY AWAY FROM HIM. HE'S A BOY!

    -first of all the Dixon Sisters from Kansas City should have won and we all know that but I am grateful for the fact that they are clearly the mothers of Janelle Monáe and that's something

    -Helen Hunt is so good in this. I'm forever in love.

    -only tiny child Zachary is redeemable from the male representatives in this film

    -KIDZBOP cover in this says "Girls and boys wanna have fun," and I…

  • Footloose

    Footloose

    ★★★½

    Me during "Never" scene: I would totally want do this if I had the athletic ability. No irony. It's the dream. WOULDN'T YOU?

    Emmy: No, I wouldn't.

    Me: YOU ARE LYING???? THIS IS ALL I WANT TO DO JUMP BACK.

    Emmy: 😕

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  • Godless

    Godless

    I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS ENTIRE THING I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE. MY HOUSEMATE DEFINITELY JUST HEARD MY SCREAMS.

    The absolute worst case of false advertising I have seen in an age.

    The worst, because Netflix's goddamn trailer played up every single thing to make me think I would love this goddamn thing.

    I turned on Netflix on Thanksgiving morning, because I had a blessed morning off (the first morning off in forever), and a trailer for this Netflix original…

  • A New York Christmas Wedding

    A New York Christmas Wedding

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    When the gay Catholic guardian angel said, "Jennifer, you should know that I am the deceased child of Gabriella and Vincent."

    ---I literally screamed WHATTTTT.