"That one alone gets two snaps up.”

Favorite films

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Pinned reviews

  • The Witch

    The Witch


    Nothing really sets a movie's tone faster than a baby in a mortar and pestle.

  • Alien Resurrection

    Alien Resurrection


    This is the dumbest thing to nitpick but when Dan Hedaya's character is eating a lemon wedge and starts to chew it up, it CRUNCHES. LEMONS ARE NOT CRUNCHY, NOT EVEN SPACE LEMONS. SPIT IT OUT. SPIT IT OUT DAN HEDAYA.

Recent reviews

  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer


    Kristy the Movie Carrier

    The story is weak but it’s nice to look at, like you know, whatever!

    Buffy gets cramps when vampires are nearby, the same thing happens to me with dairy.

  • The Fury

    The Fury


    The Fury refers to my fury over this being so front loaded with action (Kirk Douglas running and gunning, doing almost naked Parkour in downtown Chicago like it’s nothing for his 60 year old frame, and car chases) than almost nothing happens as it takes on the pacing of a Cassavetes movie with none of the substance, until Cassavetes once again explodes on the screen.

Popular reviews

  • Class Action Park

    Class Action Park


    Action Park existing before smart phones is a blessing and a curse.

  • Fear



    Moment of silence for all the theme park employees hosing down rollercoaster seats in the summer of ‘96