MenOnFilm

MenOnFilm

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"That one alone gets two snaps up.”

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  • The Witch

    The Witch

    ★★★★½

    Nothing really sets a movie's tone faster than a baby in a mortar and pestle.

  • Alien Resurrection

    Alien Resurrection

    ★★★½

    This is the dumbest thing to nitpick but when Dan Hedaya's character is eating a lemon wedge and starts to chew it up, it CRUNCHES. LEMONS ARE NOT CRUNCHY, NOT EVEN SPACE LEMONS. SPIT IT OUT. SPIT IT OUT DAN HEDAYA.

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  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    ★★★

    Kristy the Movie Carrier

    The story is weak but it’s nice to look at, like you know, whatever!

    Buffy gets cramps when vampires are nearby, the same thing happens to me with dairy.

  • The Fury

    The Fury

    ★★★

    The Fury refers to my fury over this being so front loaded with action (Kirk Douglas running and gunning, doing almost naked Parkour in downtown Chicago like it’s nothing for his 60 year old frame, and car chases) than almost nothing happens as it takes on the pacing of a Cassavetes movie with none of the substance, until Cassavetes once again explodes on the screen.

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  • Class Action Park

    Class Action Park

    ★★★★

    Action Park existing before smart phones is a blessing and a curse.

  • Fear

    Fear

    ★★★½

    Moment of silence for all the theme park employees hosing down rollercoaster seats in the summer of ‘96