Monday Seagull

Monday Seagull

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Too old for Hamlet, too young for Lear.

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  • Rudy

    Rudy

    Jane was a bit of an arty chick. You didn’t have to know what kind of music she listened to or what sort of clothes she wore. You could just tell. Those girls have a distinctive look. 

    Jane was unhappy. She decided she had to break up with Simon. Sure, he was cute and had an amazing record collection, but they were always getting into stupid arguments. 

    Like, he got mad when she gave up reading House of Leaves. Or,…

  • Evil Dead II

    Evil Dead II

    In High School, I had a crush on Lori Visser. She looked like Natalie Portman crossed with the girl behind the snack bar at the hockey arena—in other words, a cute hoser.  

    Lori ran cross country. I wanted to get close to her so I joined the team. Running was not my strong suit but I tried my best to keep up. She was too fast though. After two weeks of endlessly huffing and puffing, I quit. It’s tough…

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  • Three Colors: Red

    Three Colors: Red

    Shortly after announcing his retirement, a reporter asked Krzysztof Kieślowski how he planned on enjoying his life after filmmaking:

    "Smoking and reading," was his response (such a great answer). 

    Sadly, the director didn’t get to enjoy much of that retirement, as he passed away only a few brief years after completing this final picture. 

    If I had been lucky enough to have met Mr. Kieślowski, I would have had a few things to say to him...

    • First, I’d tell…

  • The Beastmaster

    The Beastmaster

    The cultural impact of The Beastmaster might have been greater than many of the top grossing films of the 1980s. Its influence was undeniably apparent. Travel back in time and you’ll discover streets filled with eye catching vans emblazoned with Frazetta-esque art. And economists have linked a correlation between HBO airings and exponential sales growth for ferrets. Perhaps you recall that rocker chick your older cousin dated. She had one, remember? 

    Lastly, on the subject of Tanya Roberts’ beloved introductory…

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  • The Seventh Seal

    The Seventh Seal

    My own plan is to challenge Death to a little Super Mario Kart action. Immortality should await me as I'm almost unstoppable on Rainbow Road.

  • Crash

    Crash

    I used to be really racist. But then I saw this movie. Now I'm not racist anymore.

    If you don't wanna be racist, you should watch it too.

    Just make sure you see this particular movie and not the other Crash by David Cronenberg. That one just makes you really kinky.