Black Christmas

Black Christmas

Rotten Tomatoes: 38%
Metacritic Metascore: 49
IMDB: 3.2

12/100

Release Date: 13 December 2009
Distributor: Blumhouse
Budget: $5M
Worldwide Gross: $18M

Redbox Ranked
2019 Ranked

Kris: "You messed with the wrong sisters."

SYNOPSIS: A group of female students are stalked by a stranger during their Christmas break.

CAVEAT: If this wasn't a remake of a classic horror-slasher, I would have enjoyed it for what it was and viewed it through a different lense.

I'm hoping I wake up and someone tells me that this was a Tommy Wiseau production, because otherwise, I feel ashamed for completing it.

This remake of a remake of a classic was absolutely terrible in every respect, starting with its rating. There is no reason whatsoever that a 'slasher' should ever garner a PG-13 rating. That alone destroys the concept in and of itself and completely ruins the film before the cameras even begin rolling. Other subgenres such as the supernatural or psychological categories of horror can get away with it due to their often reliance on suspense, but not a slasher. I am of the belief that all horror films should be R-rated, but that's beside the point.

TRIVIA: The first "Black Christmas" film in which Bob Clark was not involved in the production process, as Clark had died in 2007. Bob Clark had produced and directed the original Black Christmas (1974), and had been an executive producer on the remake of Black Christmas (2006).

The biggest offender of the latest incarnation of 'Black Christmas' is its lack of imagination. There's no mystique. There's no mystery. Considering its namesake, it doesn't even seem to attempt to try and retain any of the key components that makes the original film such a classic.

TRIVIA: Feminist critic Gloria Steinham was offered a cameo, but turned it down because there wasn't a completed script.

For starters, the film is incredibly flat. The direction and cinematography is dull and uninspired, and the film feels completely lifeless as a result, lacking in any mood and suspense almost entirely, and substituting it by relying too much on predictable horror tropes that are executed in terrible fashion.

TRIVIA: The first Black Christmas film to be rated PG-13. Both the 1974 original and 2006 remake were R-rated. About 30 minutes of footage was supposedly excised to achieve the PG-13 rating after test screenings, as Takal wanted the film to be more marketable to young girls interested in the horror genre.

And don't get me started with the dialogue. It was LOL bad. I would have enjoyed this much more if it didn't try to take itself so seriously, but that clearly wasn't the case. I don't mind the gender studies rhetoric, but give it some direction. This film didn't know which way it wanted to go in, and the whole frat conspiracy mystical powers element was just awful. Completely wasted the talents of two solid performers in Cary Elwes and Imogen Poots.

TRIVIA: This is the first "Black Christmas" movie not to be filmed in Canada. Instead, the production was set in New Zealand.

Watching this film all the way through made me feel guilty for walking out of Dr. Doolittle at the dollar theater a couple of weeks ago. It truly makes the 2006 rendition look like a Christopher Nolan production, which I didn't think was possible (and I actually enjoyed certain elements of the 2006 version). All and all, this trash does a complete disservice to the 1974 classic which is one of the original slashers and a true Christmas horror.

A meteor crashing down from the heavens and obliterating the frat house in the final act would have warranted a 5-star rating and rendered this entire review pointless. Unfortunately, t'was not meant to be.

DIRECTOR: Sophia Takal
WRITERS: Sophia Takal, April Wolfe
FILMING LOCATIONS: New Zealand

One star for the bow-n-arrow usage. I haven't seen that weapon used in a while.

For those who read this entire review...

Why does this film deviate from the premise of the 1974 original and even the 2006 remake?

Which character did you want to die the most?

What was your favorite / least favorite aspect of it?

Fact-Checking / TRIVIA Source: IMDb

Stay safe my friends.

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