• John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    ★★★★½

    Once Upon a Time in the Continental.

    Makes me forget any other action movie in a big building ever existed, this is such a highly stylized day of reckoning and I love it. Part 2 is a neon death stroke of artistic action wizardry and still my favorite of the bunch, but this is an energetic glass shattering chaos carnival with impeccable sequences, cinematography/lighting to die for, high council goofiness magnified to the extreme, and Halle Berry crushing it. 

    The perfect part 3 formula.

  • The Banishing

    The Banishing

    ★★

    This had all of the moldy old 70’s vibes I love... meticulous gothic mansion paranoia horror ingredients akin to some of my very favorite films (and books) and made the wise choice of forgoing the usual histrionics that plague modern takes on stories such as these.

    I actually love a lot going on here—it’s a good old fashioned haunted house yarn fit for a paperback with well worn pages and creased outer sleeves. Gorgeous yet musty wallpaper, a child talking to dolls,…

  • Tentacles

    Tentacles

    ★½

    When I was but a wee twerp i now arched 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and the octopus scared the shit out of me. I remember seeing a tentacle on the beach during some national lampoon style family vacation we took to Florida around that time as well, and from that point on I would have horrible dreams about tentacle demon beasts that I would wake up screaming in puddles of my own piss. 

    As time went on I developed a…

  • Street Law

    Street Law

    ★★★½

    Gritty Casteralli revenge jam with Franco Nero going vigilante after three crooks steal his cash and smack him around during a bank heist.

    After his embarrassing bank takedown, it gets a little wonky in the middle with the pacing but a determined and sweaty Nero performance takes this baby to manic marinara town... leading up to a tense, raw warehouse climax that I’ve already taken 6 screen shots of. Bank heists, crooked cops, sawed off shotguns, grime crime gangsters, and…

  • The Wizard of Gore

    The Wizard of Gore

    ★★★½

    Are you certain you know what reality is?

    Magic/wholesale slaughter godfather of gore exploitation jam, so right off that bat you know you’re going to get... tons of colorful blood, shoestring sets, and a little boring filler here and there... but the one thing that sets HGL apart from many of his contemporaries is his charm and that definitely shines through here. Movies like this have that atmos i dig so much—that almost trance-like quality to and I love that in my weirdo devious exploitation Jams. 

    Some people call it trash, some people call it garbage... I call it hypnotic bloody goodness.

  • The Monster Squad

    The Monster Squad

    ★★★★★

    This is one of the most important movies in my idiot life and I can go on and on with the trope filled ‘I was a monster kid growing up etc’ stuff that we’ve heard a million times but I won’t. 

    I will say this though... 

    1. Duncan Regehr as sociopath Dracula is the only version of my favorite character that ever scared the shit out of me. He’s like the terminator in that final scene when he shows up shrouded…

  • Stay Out of the Attic

    Stay Out of the Attic

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Three movers get trapped in a sicko nazi experiment death house ran by an ageless josef Mengele and one of them, the hero (the boss of “Second Chance” moving company), is an ex skinhead.

    lol sure.

    Didn’t really know anything about this going in other than some delusional person I know on Twitter called it a slasher (it’s not) that’s better than People Under the Stairs (it’s not). There’s some ok effects but this movie felt like stale cabbage farts and it’s weird how this it was released to shudder 5 days before what would have been Mengele’s 110th birthday. 


    Wasn’t really my jam.

  • The Leopard Man

    The Leopard Man

    ★★★½

    40’s noir horror proto-gialli serial killer jam from RKO dream team of Jacques Tourneur and Val Lewton.

    Love the brisk pacing/short runtime combo, the New Mexico setting with an escaped leopard backdrop, and the tight direction on display here with the shadowy atmosphere that hits my sweet spot. Super interesting subject to tackle in 1943, plus Tourneur’s ability to weave from mystery noir to ‘Lewton bus’ horror sequences is done so well and it’s even cooler that female cast members were…

  • Alita: Battle Angel

    Alita: Battle Angel

    ★★★★

    Earlier this week I said it’s always a great feeling to be slapped in the face by an unsuspecting movie, and well... this decked my ass. A visual feast with intricate world building, top notch editing, and a hell of a turn from Salazar. The best thing I’ve seen from Robert Rodriguez in years and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t I watch this sooner.

  • The House by the Cemetery

    The House by the Cemetery

    ★★★★★

    I’ve bloviated enough on how much I love House by the Cemetery HERE so I’ll just say that Joe Bob suggesting that Italian Horror isn’t as sacred as other horror of its time period almost led to what may very well have been my first utterance of OK BOOMER. 

    I kid, I kid. His banter with Eli Roth on the subject was super enjoyable.

    Didn’t expect this to be picked but I’m really jiving with the Mothers Day/House by Cemetery double bill vibes…

  • Mother's Day

    Mother's Day

    ★★★★

    Opens with a snake oil salesmen preaching his self help group (called Ego lol) and sweet old lady bait and switch before a picture montage gives way to what feels like a Beverly Hills swinger party and eventually, an excursion into a backwoods rape revenge slasher pop culture satire.

    Love how genuinely funny I found the 1st act of this movie to be, especially since I think the last time I watched this was 2015 or 2016 after my homie…

  • The Black Room

    The Black Room

    ★★★½

    Dead Ringers