certified sigma male
no, this is not “satire,” I’m just a dumbass.
[me whenever spookley appears on screen]: haha… FUCK YEAH!!! WOOO!!!!!! SPOOKLEY THE MOTHERFUCKINNGD SWUARE PUNKPIN!!! YEAH YOU JUST KNOW THAT BITCH LNOWS WHATS UP!!! THAT LIL BUMKPIN BITCH GOT FUCKUNG STYLE!!! THATS ONE MU’FUCKING CLASSY PUMNPKJN RIGHT THERE! ID KILL FOR SPOOKLEY!!!
if i was dear evan hansen i simply would’ve stopped being socially awkward and depressed. and i would’ve been cooler and the most popular guy at school too. and I just would try so hard to not look like a thirty five year old pretending to be a high schooler. no offense to ben platt but i’m a sigma male so i would’ve been much better for the role.
my mom sent me to christian summer camp back when the first venom movie came out because i wouldn’t stop talking about how much I wanted to kiss and/or fuck venom and she though i was possessed or something. nah mom i’m just a freak. a freak for the absolute smokeshow that is venom. and now i’m a freak for woody barrelson as well. his funky fake hair in this film is 🔥 and i would like to marry both carnage and venom. i don’t care if i’m persecuted by the letterboxd community for this review, i just had to speak my truth.