Black Christmas

Black Christmas ★½

Black Christmas dashed every single hope I had for it. I can't even make a joke about it /slashing/ every hope because it doesn't even deserve that.

I was so here for the feminist slasher and a feminist movie in general, but this makes a complete mockery of the #MeToo movement and feminism in general. It's so over-the-top and cartoony with it's commentary on the patriarchy.

Feminism in film is NOT about wanting to see a girl shove her hand down her pants to put a pad on in front of her roommate (NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT! NOBODY EVEN DOES THAT!!). The movie plays as if cry baby trolls wrote a film about what they feel feminism is. All the girls are caricatures of stereotypes- you have the angry feminist, the wishy washy, the middle ground, and the lame-ass weak-ass "final girl". The women who made this film were so determined to make their feminist message clear that they tried too hard and managed to fail spectacularly.

Apart from the failure feminist aspects, THE MOVIE MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! Every mistake you yell at characters not to make, the final girl makes it!

WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE YOU'RE DYING WHEN YOU JUST GOT CUT IN THE LEG?

WHY DID YOU NOT GO TO THE POLICE? YOU WERE ALREADY IN THE CAR AND FREE!

HOW DID YOU EVEN FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT? LITERALLY NOTHING MADE ANY SENSE HOW DID YOU COME TO THE CONCLUSION YOU DID????

And are you seriously telling me that after all this "girl power" you've been throwing in the audience's face the entire film YOU GET RESCUED BY A MAN???? WHAT THE F.

And as a slasher it completely fails (this movie fails at EVERYTHING). You see and hear almost no kills.

From 15 years old to 24, everyone I saw this movie with agreed it was terrible and one of the worst things we had ever seen.

Black Christmas 2019 was the biggest disappointment of the year.