Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins ★★★

Let’s go.

Currently on my break from my double feature at the theater, walking around a Target next to the theater as I type this review, which frankly, I think walking around a Target typing on your phone is the ideal condition under which to review Snake Eyes. Is it really important for a movie to be “good”? Isn’t it okay for you to sit yourself in a barren big ass theater to see hot people shoot guns and swing ninja swords with (mostly decent, but never really great) action? Henry Golding is the highlight here, as I was expecting, and how he should be. Andrew Koji is also here, and when the two of them are next to each other, I am internally accepting them as ninja boyfriends, and again, this is enough for me to classify this movie as a three star classic. I wouldn’t probably rewatch this at random of my own will, but if this was on TNT like two years from now and I happened to scroll past it, then I would probably keep it on the channel to get some nice Japanese scenery, neon lights, and sleek, black swords and ninja uniforms. Acknowledge that this is an adaptation of a toy line, that there is some less than favorable shaky cam, and that overall, this should have had a different director and writers to patch up these set pieces and flimsy character motivations. If you can do that like I did, then you’re fine, and this’ll hit the spot. I am very, almost absurdly, easy to please.

6/10

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