• Jurassic Park

    Jurassic Park

    ★★★★★

    i don't get people who don't like this film. there's dinosaurs, there's laura dern... literally what else do you want?

  • Never Been Kissed

    Never Been Kissed

    ★★

    as india ferrah once famously said: prison, honey!

  • Wicked

    Wicked

    if you haven’t already can you please sign that petition to keep james corden away this film i am begging

  • Jennifer's Body

    Jennifer's Body

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    if my best friend got killed in a satanic ritual then showed up on my doorstep i would simply get her some food and help her get revenge

  • The Decoy Bride

    The Decoy Bride

    ★★

    this concept had potential. specifically, gay potential:

    1) societal pressures of marriage + insular island community = katie never had the confidence, nor the chance, to actually explore what her sexuality was.
    2) katie was brought up in an environment with antiquated (see: the women as property bits) and heteronormative viewpoints, culminating in the idea of marriage as aspirational.
    3) katie's upset and annoyance re: her (lack of) relationship status is not framed as her wanting a man, rather, she…

  • What We Do in the Shadows

    What We Do in the Shadows

    ★★★★½

    if i was a vampire i'd be the viago of vampires (trying to get housemates to do the dishes, telling people to put paper down to not get blood on the couch, marrying a gilf...)

  • Bee Movie

    Bee Movie

    ★★

    what i think happened is: barry died in that car and the rest of the movie is his brain firing off random neurons in his last moments to distract from the pain.

  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

    Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

    ★★½

    did nobody tell umbridge that if you’re kind and polite the world will be right

  • What a Girl Wants

    What a Girl Wants

    ★★★

    daphne is an icon for tanking the electability of - and then taking out of the running entirely - a tory candidate.

  • Sweetheart

    Sweetheart

    ★★★★

    finally a film that captures the horrific experience of being dragged along to an holiday park you last enjoyed when you were twelve

  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

    ★★★

    if i was the protagonist of these films hagrid would have been rotting in azkaban i simply am not following any spiders

  • Cinderella

    Cinderella

    that wasn't idina menzel that was adele dazeem