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  • Oliver & Company

    Oliver & Company

    β˜…β˜…

    Let's take a trip back to when I was in grade 2.

    I am on lunch break at a table with a bunch of my classmates discussing the Geography class we just had about the provinces and territories of Canada.

    I forget our victims name so we will call him Lil Timmy. Poor Lil Timmy thought this was a discussion about geography, little did he know he stepped into the ring for a Slam Poetry Session. Lil Timmy asked me…

  • Magnolia

    Magnolia

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…Β½

    The lights turn on. You can see the silhouette of PTA.

    He steps forward into the light as all his fans start applauding in excitement.

    "Yaaaa PTA!"
    "It's the best director ever!"
    "You should have won Best Director from the Oscars at least nine times!"

    PTA: "Thank you, thank you. Who am I?"

    "PTA!"

    PTA: "Louder!"

    "PTA!"

    PTA: "Don't you ever fucking forget it, because the world will always know who you are. Champions. You guys have great taste in…

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  • Time

    Time

    β˜…β˜…β˜…Β½

    Technically anything we did before October 16th 2020 (the date this movie released) it was during The Land Before Time.

    Crickets

    I'll see myself out.

  • Bee Movie

    Bee Movie

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    The Bee Movie might bee the closest thing we have ever had to a masterpiece in film making. I will no longer bee calling movies "The Citizen Kane of 2010" it will bee compared to the superior Bee Movie and I will outline exactly why this film is not getting the respect it deserves.

    The first third of this movie addresses the corporate world and hive mindset we have. They directly address these concerns in a very similar fashion to…

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  • Why Did You Kill Me?

    Why Did You Kill Me?

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    Imagine if they filmed Jokes first day in jail after this movie!

    Jokes: "So what did you do to get into jail?"
    Cellmate: "I burned down a church, what did you do to get in here?"
    Jokes: "I helped murder a woman but didn't know what she looked like so I feel in love with her profile on myspace which ended up being the victim's mother catfishing as her own daughter. I revealed my involvement to the murder to the profile of the murdered woman."
    Cellmate: "Dude if you don't want to tell me that's fine, you don't need to make up a fake story."

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    β˜…β˜…β˜…Β½

    Me during a superhero movie:
    "I don't understand how big blockbusters are so successful. It's just CGI on screen to fascinate adults and kids. It has no story and feels pointless."

    Me during Godzilla v Kong:
    "YAAAASSSSSSS BABY! OMG KONG JUST SMASHED AN AXE INTO GODZILLA... HELL YASSSSSS! THIS IS CINEMA BABY, DO IT AGAIN KONG!"