Call Me by Your Name

Call Me by Your Name ★★★★★

"We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything, what a waste."

It felt so great to be in love. I never called it love until after, because I didn't know it when I was in it. Even though it's easier to remember all the bad things about it, there were some beautiful moments where I was my happiness. And after the incident, and after Colin left, I shut myself down. I started thinking about how boring my life would be and how I never wanted to love another man because Colin was the one for me. I've suffered for three years forcing myself not to feel. I don't let myself except for deep in the night, I don't go out with friends anymore or even make an effort, and when anyone shows the slightest romantic interest in me I shut it down by being completely unreachable. This is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I know that I have certain disorders that make it hard to live on anyways but still I've made it even harder by deciding not to try. I'm not going to let me get in the way of my own happiness anymore. Maybe I'll always be sad about Colin and I may always love him because he was the first, but the doesn't mean that I can't be happy.

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