• The Love Witch

    The Love Witch

    ★★★½

    ladies you already know this is the energy we are trying to exude this october! gaslight, goddess, girlboss! my ass is fat and my aura is threatening!

  • Perfect Blue

    Perfect Blue

    ★★★★½

    i truly feel so represented by characters in the hot girl goes insane cinematic universe

  • Possession

    Possession

    ★★★★

    shoutout to milf and dilf centric surreal horror gotta be one of my favourite genres

  • Corpse Bride

    Corpse Bride

    ★★★½

    all i want is to be a pretty depressed victorian ghost lady that wears fancy dresses and plays piano and has fleeting romances with men who look like they haven’t slept in a week to a danny elfman score please i am begging!

  • The Conjuring

    The Conjuring

    ★★★

    james wan made lorraine a medium and ed a demonologist because it aligns with the milf and dilf acronyms

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★★★

    me, walking in on the husky-thing absorbing everything else in the kennel: what the dog doin

  • Alien

    Alien

    ★★★★

    i hope this happens to jeff bezos on his next trip to space

  • Get Out

    Get Out

    ★★★★½

    one terrifying thing about this movie is jordan peele’s ability to identify and replicate the absolute whitest mannerisms in existence. pronouncing garbage as “gar-baaj”? uncanny.

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★½

    truly would not mind being murdered if it was this cinematic

  • The Guilty

    The Guilty

    ★★½

    let’s be honest we all know they confined him to the call centre because the other officers didn’t want to deal with his stank

  • House

    House

    ★★★★★

    all movies should be like this: camp as fuck and also so incomprehensible that you can’t even tell what’s going on

  • Dear Evan Hansen

    Dear Evan Hansen

    you know, i don’t think that stephen chbosky has ever met an actual teenager