Robert Macias

Robert Macias

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• restarted logging on January 2020 •

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  • Teen Witch

    Teen Witch

    ★★½

    This movie’s poster implied a teenage witch on a broom being all witchy and instead I got a random music video of cheerleaders singing about how much they like boys, an unrelated class full of student extras chanting “Condoms!” enthusiastically, and a rap battle that will never be topped. This was terrible 80s garbage but I had a smile on my stupid fucking face the entire time.

  • Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry

    Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry

    ★★★★½

    There was a time not too long ago when a certain earworm of a song was inescapable, your body became familiar to the vibrations of the bass from the random car next to you blasting it at a red light. I wanted nothing more but for that song to fade into obscurity along with whoever sang it, until one night “when the party’s over” came on and I quickly found myself in awe of what I was hearing, it was…

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  • Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Harley’s heartbreak after losing an egg sandwich, I felt that shit! This was bonkers and I loved every glitter-filled bloody second of it! Fuck me up, Harleen Quinzel, you ultimate Bernie Bro!

  • 365 Days

    365 Days

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Mossimo to Laura: I will stalk, drug and kidnap you, hop on your bed while you sleep and then on the shower as you shower, I will choke you and tie you up and make you watch me get a blowjob so you can see what you’re missing out on, I’ll even fondle you a little but I will NOT have incredible teleporting sex with you until I Stockholm syndrome your ass and you fall in love with me cause I’m…