Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad ★½

I don't feel like putting any energy into this review because the movie clearly forgot to put any into itself, so instead of a proper review I'm just going to make a bulleted list of my thoughts throughout this film.

- Oh Harley, what have they done to you? In the animated show and in the comics you were an interesting, layered character and it seems like David Ayer's main goal was to strip you completely of ALL of those layers!!!!

- Okay, those first twenty minutes (minus Harley, who as I said I already feel was completely mishandled throughout) were a little rocky, but they had a few decent moments. Plus, I'm a sucker for text on the screen, and there was a little of that but I don't think it's overdone.

- Okay, so something's attacking the city. Why do they specifically need the Suicide Squad to take care of it?

- Okay, I guess they're just never really gonna say why. Okay. Whatever. I'll go with it. If I can forgive a few major plot holes in "Nerve", I can do it here, too. Don't want to be hypocritical.

- Fuck, though, at least "Nerve" had some visual energy, I'm not so sure forgiving that movie for plot-holes really IS the exact same as forgiving this one. At least that one had SOMETHING other than the story to hold my attention. (These two thoughts occurred roughly 5 minutes from each other.)

- Why do all the DC films feel like they were edited by having the editor's cat walk across his or her keyboard? None of these shots feel like they go together in any visual or even thematic way!

- Why does Will Smith just seem bored?

- Come to mention, why do ALL the actors just seem bored?

- They left Will Smith saying the name of the squad IN THE MOVIE?! I thought it was just a bit of fucking ADR for the trailers?! Jesus, what is this, a fucking 90's superhero movie?!

- What is Jared Leto doing? Is this really what they were psyching everyone up for for a year-and-a-half? Leto's Joker isn't scary, he's hilarious. Leto is working so much while being given so little to work with that it's honestly hysterical.


- Okay, that one Harley Quinn gag was actually kind of funny.

- El Diablo already had his big moment! Why the fuck is he getting another one that's not even as cool?! I mean what?!

- Why does Harley care about the other members of the squad suddenly?! She was perfectly content with leaving them less than an hour ago?

- Gee, didn't see that ending coming AT ALL! Nope. Not even a LITTLE. (Can you sense the sarcasm yet?)

That's roughly the order of my thoughts as they occurred during the movie.

Here are a few extraneous things.

- Seriously, why does this movie feel like every bit of energy was surgically removed from it?! There's no building of tension and things just skate by with no real sense of connection to anything else! And that description applies to both story AND visual beats!

- They spend so much time telling us the Bad Guys are bad, but they make them all so damn sympathetic! One of them doesn't even want to continue being a bad guy and even Deadshot seems like he's kinda remorseful! Plus, the government agents they're working for/with are shown to pretty much be just as bad! Having a troop of all "bad guys" makes no difference if EVERYBODY else is just as much of an insufferable asshole, if not, to be honest, even MORE SO.

- I'm officially fucking done with the DC Universe. Like, I'm sorry, but even at its best (this), it still feels just like a cynical copy of the Marvel business strategy. It's a pale imitation that people just seem to be willingly falling for and that makes me sad. I don't like Marvel's movies any more or less than I like DC's, really, but at least when Marvel was starting with this business strategy, it felt like it was something that hadn't really been tried before. I wish their movies were better, don't get me wrong, but the business strategy itself was fairly interesting. Now it's just played out and boring. I'm done with this shit.

There, you've now read my review of "Suicide Squad" in the form of a bunch of random, context-less little snippets that have little to no cohesion when read together even in their intended order. Kind of like watching "Suicide Squad".

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