Ryan has written 14 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Yes-People

    Yes-People

    ★½

    Checked the clock twice during this 8 minute short. Pretty painful.

  • Monster Hunter

    Monster Hunter

    ★½

    Effects look really good which is disorienting compared to how bad everything else is. The power couple of Paul W.S. Anderson and Mia Jovovich is truly the worst.

  • Wonder Woman 1984

    Wonder Woman 1984

    ★½

    This was literally just a Neil Breen film with a couple hundred million dollar budget.

    - vague criticisms of INDUSTRY with no real thought
    - savior character telling people in shitty situations that their problems aren't worth solving
    - strange romance with distinctive lack of chemistry
    - important rock
    - shitty special effects
    - child prologue
    - bad acting, camera choices, etc of course
    - vague themes of togetherness

    Neil Breen films have more heart though.

  • Me Before You

    Me Before You

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    It's like almost albeist propaganda. The moral of this film is literally that if you're crippled you should just kill yourself. Especially if you have an SO. The film says you're just weighing your partner down.

    Don't see this. Geez.

  • Encounters

    Encounters

    ★½

    ND/NF (2020) #22 -

    Derivative of every 10 minute experimental college film you've ever seen. The only difference is that this one has the nerve to be 7x longer.

  • Kala azar

    Kala azar

    ★½

    ND/NF (2020) #17 -

    If you've ever thought to yourself "Why isn't there a movie where a man pisses all over himself and also there's like a couple dozen dog corpses?" then I have just the movie for you!

    Also, just worth noting, there's a chance this is a completely failed satire? It shows constant use of herbal medicine but then it also always shows wounds that aren't healed. So there's a chance this movie is actually criticizing what it is showing. But the people praising this aren't talking about that either so if that was the goal, it didn't work.

  • Giraffe

    Giraffe

    ★½

    ND/NF (2020) #15 -

    You know how there's movies where nothing happens but the characters are so interesting that it just works anyway? So this is that except the characters aren't even slightly interesting.

  • Sun Dog

    Sun Dog

    ND/NF (2020) Short #5 -

    The opening sequence was pretty neat and I thought this would be something I'd enjoy. I was wrong. The film is mostly shot pretty unintuitively, (the final shot being an exception) the acting is pretty mediocre, and the "story" wasn't all that interesting. I just found this kind of... Bad. I don't see what some of you guys are seeing; that's for sure.

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

    ★½

    Spooktober #10 -

    Now that's what I call generic sequel cash in garbage!

    Oh geez. This was baaaaaad. Even worse, it's completely unenjoyable. I don't even feel like writing my thoughts out in paragraph form so:

    Bullshit resurrection of villain ✅
    Noticable recasting of lead ✅
    Barely plausible reason for plot ✅
    Inhuman dialogue ✅
    Finale that breaks canon ✅
    Boring/predictable jump scares ✅
    Rehashing of previous films ✅
    Uncreative quips ✅
    Lack of understanding of source material ✅
    And…

  • The Social Dilemma

    The Social Dilemma

    ★½

    Alright. Social Dilemma had good information but man it was not made for me. Not necessarily a bad thing but definitely made it rough for me to watch. I knew all of this but at least the info was still good to hear again. Suicide rates and political polarization and all that is quite important and I'm glad to have a refresher but the way this documentary was designed was.... Cringe tbh. My documentary pet peeves are the black screen…

  • The Happening

    The Happening

    ★½

    Whaaat? Nooooo.

  • Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

    Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

    Not worth watching. Really bad. Why did I watch parts 2 and 3?