“How splendicious!” - Vivian Vadim (Erica Prior)

An exhaustive aesthetic distillation of the early aughts CD-ROM disk magazine, complete with artist and song credits that fade up in the lower left of the screen. An ode to commercialism. A blatant, self-referential ‘sex sells’ advertisement.

Also: impromptu cage fights; sassy lesbian limo drivers; yacht parties; vicarious arousal by way of online portals; a snobby burger fetishist; a fashion first approach to filmmaking; a frankly abnormal amount of rabbits, for some reason; precognition, but limited to bedroom ventures; moped jewel thieves; and so, so, so much more.

- “We got lost.”
— “Eternally lost.”

If that coldest of opens doesn’t grab you, good news, plenty of icy embraces are sure to follow. 

Imagine that, finding humanity in the inhuman. A creature older than recorded history, whose will to live wanes over the centuries replaced by his will not to cause any additional harm. A lone act of restraint cannot erase many lifetimes of bloodshed, and does not absolve oneself of wrongdoing, but having the power to stop it means all roads no longer lead to the chateau.

⚰️ Hang out in a cemetery, get boned. ☠️

The skeleton whose wrist flops down as if to disapprovingly gesture “really?” to the lovers. 

What Rollin instinctively knew and this film insinuates is that if you enter a cemetery on October 31st, then stay until after midnight, you’ll find yourself unable to leave much as a spirit might be doomed to wander a certain location until its unfinished business resolves. In this case, however, the business as of yet left unfinished is your very life. We all must tread solemnly, carefully amidst the dead, so as not to prematurely join them. You’ve been warned.