• Syngenor

    Syngenor

    "what will you call your film?"

    I SHALL CALL IT SYNGENOR!

    "..."

  • Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms

    Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms

    when i was watching the original universal soldier, i was thinking the whole time "i wish they would replace van damme and dolph lundgren and why isn't burt reynolds in this???"

  • Cyborg Cop

    Cyborg Cop

    there is very little cyborg action in this and it does not feature a cyborg cop, but a cop that battles a cyborg.

  • Vanquish

    Vanquish

    the long awaited return of Patrick Muldoon.

  • Pulse 3

    Pulse 3

    It’s always a good sign when a film gets two direct-to-video sequels, shot back-to-back and released in the same year. It screams quality and “this film is worth watching.” This happens a lot in horror, especially when the sequels seem a bit disconnected from the earlier film (or films) and doesn’t have any of the same actors (check out the Wishmaster and The Prophecy series for examples).

    Anyway, this shitty sequel takes place some years after Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008).…

  • Pulse 2: Afterlife

    Pulse 2: Afterlife

    The film begins by teasing you with the visuals, that is, it doesn’t have that disgusting blue/green hue contrast filter that Pulse (2006) had. It doesn’t take long though to realize that Pulse 2 has something much worse to offer: most of the film appears to have been shot in front of a green screen. We are talking about The Room (2003) level green screen effects and usage. Green screen was used for the most basic of sets, like a…

  • Plan B

    Plan B

    if you thought "i think this 2001 film that has a poster which uses a picture of diane keaton from the godfather on it will be good" then you are an idiot.

  • American Dreamz

    American Dreamz

    it's like watching an SNL episode from 2006.

    sure, you get what they are making fun of but it's also not something you care about anymore.

  • Pulse

    Pulse

    During the 00s (it still doesn’t sound as natural as ‘the 80s’) there was a trend in horror filmmaking. A trend that was more horrifying than anything in the film, but it was on the screen, nonetheless. It was a filter—kind of like you can put on your photos before posting them on Instagram. Everything was desaturated (colors made less apparent) by about 40%, then the contrast (the difference between light and dark) was put up about 200% and then…

  • Doll Face

    Doll Face

    Doll Face gives you all the warnings from the get-go. It starts with the cheapest production logo I’ve ever seen—a white background and black unaligned text—and then it goes straight to the jugular with keeping the white background for the title, and you are greeted with “DOLLFACE” (one word here) in Comic Sans in white with a black drop-shadow effect. After that fades out, we are left with a slideshow of photos of dolls. There is a neat thing here,…

  • Star Crystal

    Star Crystal

    There is in interesting thing in one of the scenes at the beginning of Star Crystal. The crew are discussing a rock they found on Mars and they are drinking Coca Cola from some kind of specialized space plastic bottles. They take sips from the side. I bet the production design thought they were well clever, because astronauts in space do need specialized drinking bottles since there is no gravity. The problem is that there is never a scene in…

  • Amityville 3-D

    Amityville 3-D

    Every few decades Hollywood decides that moviegoers need a gimmick to get them to the theatres, and the most popular gimmick has been 3D. Technology has advanced quite a bit, and the current version, which seems to be here to stay, is quite different from the blue and red plastic in paper glasses of the past. Usage is also, mostly, different. Almost every film that is either shot or rendered to be shown in 3D can also be seen in…