Pulp Fiction ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

OK, here's the big 'un. Pulp Fiction is my favourite movie of ALL TIME. I don't know how to put it into words, so here goes nothing...

Everything about this thing is sheer perfection. The acting, the writing, the soundtrack, the little mysteries it throws in for the viewer; all absolutely perfect. I think I'll break this down into five sections, and say whatever comes into my head:

1. Prologue - Candidate for the best opening scene ever. Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer talking the talk about bank robbery, telephones and diners. Look, there's John Travolta in the background! And he's gone for a dump. TITLES. John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson talking the talk about hamburgers, foot massage and 'Big Man's Wife'. Oooh, look, more hamburgers. I'm hungry now. HOLY BULLCRAP, BIBLE PASSAGE!! Awesome...

2. Vincent Vega and Marsellus Wallace's Wife - Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames talking the talk about old timer's days, pride and asses going down. Enter John and Sam. In volleyball t-shirts. Wow, where did they come from. Eric Stoltz and John Travolta talking the talk about heroin, car and dickless pieces of shit. Cool montage of drug use. Most prolonged entrance ever from Uma Thurman. AWESOME TRACKING SHOT. STEVE BUSCEMI AS MR PINK (possibly...) Uma Thurman and John Travolta talking the talk about milkshakes, corny TV shows and foot massages. AWKWARD...Musical number (my favourite scene EVER.) Drive home, John goes for a slash. Uma snorts heroin. Bad move. More driving. "GET THE SHOT!!!!" "MAGIC MARKER!!!!" STAB!!! AAHHHH!!! "Something..." Cool joke. Lovely romantic gesture. I'm gonna go home and have a heart-attack...

3. The Gold Watch - "He arctic tenderfoot!" Christopher Walken talking the talk about watches, asses and watches. DING DING! Bruce Willis. JUMP!!! CRASH!!! Best taxi driver since Taxi Driver. The desire for a pot. Next morning. CRASH, BANG, WALLOP! "It's on the kangaroo!" Home again, home again, jiggity jig! Pop-tarts. Uzi. Flush. Oh, hey, John-*shiddlediddlediddlediddleduh* WHAT?! HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER!!! "Countin' flowers on the wall..." "Motherf**ker." CRASH, CRASH, WALLOP. Uhhhhh...BANG, BANG, BANG!!! Punch, punch, punch. Click-click. Cellar, ball gags, rapist-looking rapist. Gimp. Whoops, wrong shop, fellas. Sleazy jazz. Hammer, baseball bat, chainsaw, HATTORI HANZO SWORD. Slice, stab. BANG!! Click-click. Medieval on his ass. Chopper, baby. Zed's dead. Rides of into sunset. OFFICIAL, BUT NOT PROPER END OF FILM.

4. The Bonnie Situation - Mmmm, hamburg-Hang on. I've been here before. Yeah, yeah, ultra-cool bible passage, ultra-violence, go on...BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!!! Divine intervention. A quiet pause for reflecti-BANG!!! Jeez, this is relentless. Bloody mess. Hey, it's Tarantino! Hey, it's Harvey Keitel! "MUSHROOM-CLOUD LAYIN' MOTHERF**KER, MOTHERF**KER!" Cleaned out.

5. EPILOGUE - Breakfast. Diner. Hey, I've been here before...oh, he's going for a dump. Yep, robbery. Ringo. Righteous man. Robbed. Swagger. Holiday music. THE PROPER END.

Wow, that was intense. Awesome. Favourite movie. Not best, that's Drive. But yeah. If this has put you off Pulp Fiction, I'm so so so so so so sorry. I'm sorry if this has alienated you too. It's my thought process about this work of art. Phew...

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