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  • The Godfather

    The Godfather

    ★★

    "Mr Brando, have you thought about how you're going to play the role of Vito Corleone, the titular Godfather, in this film?"

    "Yes, I've decided that, as I'm playing the title character, it's only right that the audience can barely understand a single fucking word I say."

    Let's be honest, Marlon Brando is very bad in this film. It's impossible to take him seriously when he's made the active, egotistical decision to mumble all his lines in a ridiculously cartoonish…

  • The Gruesome Twosome

    The Gruesome Twosome

    ★★★½

    I thought this was absolute dogshit the first time I saw it, and all I could remember about it was the opening scene with two mannequin heads talking to each other for what felt like ages. Turns out, that scene is actually quite funny, mainly due to the variety of cutesie names one mannequin head calls the other ("Apple dumpling" is my favourite).

    But although the movie is padded out with scenes that go on too long, sometimes that happens…

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  • City of the Living Dead

    City of the Living Dead

    ★★★★

    Extract from HAMLET by William Shakespeare:

    FIRST GRAVEDIGGER
    Is she to be buried in Christian burial that
    wilfully seeks her own salvation?

    SECOND GRAVEDIGGER
    I tell thee she is: and therefore make her grave
    straight: the crowner hath sat on her, and finds it
    Christian burial.

    FIRST GRAVEDIGGER
    How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her
    own defence?

    SECOND GRAVEDIGGER
    It must be "se offendendo"; it cannot be else. For
    here lies the point: if I drown myself…

  • Brain Damage

    Brain Damage

    ★★★★½

    For my money, this movie has the greatest ever ratio of atmosphere per dollar of budget. I would say that its $900,000 bought about 15 atmospheres, which is 1.69 pascals per dollar.

    To put this in perspective, something like The Neon Demon is admittedly even more atmospheric than Brain Damage - it has maybe 40 atmospheres. But on a budget of $7 million, that's only 0.579 pascals per dollar. (There are 101,325 pascals in 1 atmosphere, and that's yer actual…