• The Tripper

    The Tripper

    ★★★

    "Just Say No"

    Safe to assume most crew members didn't follow Nancy's age old advice on this one.

    Bonkers and horribly lit backwoods slasher from that scattershot DTV era of the early aughts. The kills and slaughter scenes are quite satisfying and the practical gore is awesome. A couple of sequences reminded me of Halloween Kills and matched that intensity. I frankly could watch The Gipper chopping down tree huggers all day. His mask doesn't have the creep factor of…

  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid

    Diary of a Wimpy Kid

    ★★

    Makes sense to reboot these in an animated form to cut costs and gain continuity when your cast members tend to outgrow their roles swiftly. This was mostly charmless and crude, without likable characters. Guess that kind of sums up middle school in a nutshell. 4.6/10

  • Mallrats

    Mallrats

    ★★½

    The mall itself is just so disappointing. We never get a real sense of its personality or feel the connection we did to the Quick Stop. I particularly loathe the garage band soundtrack and slacker nonsense. The mostly cringe cast never gels, but Jay and Silent Bob maintain their likable chemistry. I'd forgotten the flashes of nudity and the whole third nipple gag with Priscilla Barnes. I'm not sure how anyone who'd seen this thought that reoccurring Stan Lee cameos would be wise. Guess I'm not a true believer. 5.1/10

  • Emanuelle in America

    Emanuelle in America

    ★★★★

    Laura Gemser just heals me. A true goddess and exploitation icon.

    Penis cookies are a standout among the clever prop gags and sometimes hysterical set pieces. The hardcore inserts are never as erotic as any scene where Gemser's Emanuelle puts her seductive powers to work--although I don't think she gets a a particularly memorable hot scene this time. Maybe the uncut horse cock handjob (not performed by Gemser) was too hard to beat. (That pun was inevitable, friends.)

    Finally seeing…

  • Assault on Precinct 13

    Assault on Precinct 13

    ★★★

    Enjoy the New Year's Eve setup and how the script manages to logically get Maria Bello and Drea de Matteo dressed for the occasion. Unfortunately, the film never quite takes off and severely lacks credible tension in the final act. It also drives me nuts that we don't stay in the precinct for the climactic showdown and inevitably predictable "Mexican standoff". The winterized setting was a nice switch, but the CG snowflakes don't seem to melt or affect the actors in any way...like they're not even there. However, there are more than enough of them to be constantly distracting to the viewer. 6.2/10

  • Clerk

    Clerk

    ★★★½

    I once knew Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier and their frequent DP David Klein and shared many conversations with all of them, mostly before Smith became famous and so influential. I even skipped class to see Basic Instinct with Kevin and Scott on the day it opened. Kevin had a huge laserdisc collection and I remember we both bought JFK at the same store. The discs were notoriously defective. Scott once drove me home and revealed a cool hobby of…

  • Black Friday

    Black Friday

    ★★★½

    Meteor shit!

    Thanksgiving party flick will go down well with some cheap champagne, turkey slices and like-minded friends. The cast is way likable and everyone brings high energy to the holiday hijinks. It's nice to see Bruce Campbell back in retail and delivering dad jokes like nobody's business. We also got a motherfucking Kaiju up in here! 7.3/10

  • The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher

    The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher

    ★★★½

    Two serial killers destined for each other. Both of them cleaning up the streets in their own perverse ways. Bonus: one is a rather attractive female ginger.

    Plenty of sleaze in this drive-in gem from Media Blasters currently streaming on tubi. The kills are mostly laughable, but still effective. I'm recommending for the plentiful street views of late seventies L.A. porn palaces and novelty shops, and the pre-ASMR whispering of a strangler than never speaks. We hear only his menacing thoughts in softly delivered voice-over. A soothing little slasher for a lazy Sunday afternoon. 7.3/10

  • The Pizzagate Massacre

    The Pizzagate Massacre

    ★★★½

    Pizzagate delivers a deep dish of contemporary paranoia.

    Writer/producer/director/editor/composer John Valley comes out of the gate swinging. This isn't the schlocky goof I was expecting. A moody and sometimes gory postmodern ball grabber with some real nuance and a bit of "mumblecore" wit. Brazenly parodies conspiracy theorists, media hyperbole, and the often blind demonization of gun-toting white males. How fucking timely. While it's not above the occasional cheap gag or stereotype, Valley's flick is anchored by the chemistry between his likable leads and their evolving revelations and blossoming friendship. A festival cult hit that needs more followers. 7.7/10

  • The Beta Test

    The Beta Test

    ★★½

    I do thank Arrow Player for introducing me to the short films of Jim Cummings. The pre-title sequence here felt like one of those. Sometimes brevity is a blessing since this lacks the quick jab sting those black comedy quickies had. Second half was more rambling and confused and it didn't quite do it for me at feature length. 5.3/10

  • Last Night in Soho

    Last Night in Soho

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So, ho...stay in last night?

    The wildest ride I've had since, well, since Malignant. Edgar Wright going unhinged and over-stylized with QT level genre bending and fiery fetishizing of the swinging sixties. Giallo-like hyperviolence and a cool, nostalgic pop soundtrack underscore this masturbatory fashion show about misandry and a promising young woman's psychotic break with reality. Mommy issues. She's got mommy issues. 8.5/10

  • The Simpsons in Plusaversary

    The Simpsons in Plusaversary

    ★★½

    Folks are getting pretty wound up about a four minute promo. Hell, it's more clever than most and mild amusement is had just seeing how many characters and IPs they can stuff into happy hour at Moe's Tavern. 5.9/10