• A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "You shouldn't have buried me, I'm not dead."

    After the snoozefest that was The New Blood, this isn't just a breath of fresh air, it's a new set of lungs. This film is so slick and stylish in the design, the plot, the performance,
    The 3 Dream Warriors from last time are back, and so is the Thompson house despite there being no living Thompsons. It's not too long after that Kristen becomes the sole survivor, following Kincaide's dog Jason…

  • Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

    Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "You're more interested in this telekinetic stuff than you are in me!"

    3 minutes of flashbacks from all the parts to feature Jason himself hype up his return after Tommy laid him to rest beneath the surface of Crystal Lake. Unfortunately what follows is a serious technical downgrade, a simultaneously outrageous and lackluster plot, college-level acting, and a series of still entertaining kills. Seriously, it was a struggle to pick my favorite out, which is why it's such a shame…

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Where did you learn that rhyme?"

    Keeping in mind that movies are usually in production for more than a year prior to their actual release, the return of Nancy Thompson and the new setting of a psychiatric hospital makes some sense with Friday part 5 having been out at the time. But that may only be a coincidence, because the story told in this installment of the Nightmare story is still very enthralling. Where the first two movies didn't explain…

  • Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

    Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Why'd they have to go and dig up Jason? Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment."

    Tommy Jarvis is back again, and back in the Crystal Lake Cemetary, seeking to exhume and destroy Jason's corpse. Still suffering from the psychosis of having to kill at such a young age, he stabs him in the chest with a portion of iron fencing, which is struck twice by lightning, reawakening the horror. As impossible as this is, it will not be…

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

    A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Elm Street? You telling me you moved into that big white house with bars on the windows?"

    Much like Friday the 13th, Part 2 starts 5 years after the events of Part 1 with our final girl having apparently not come out of things unscathed. Jesse has moves into the old Thompson house, and begins having recurring dreams about Freddy. But rather than go for blood, Freddy wants Jessie to take up the mantle and kill for him, whether he…

  • Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

    Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Jason Voorhees is dead! His body was cremated. He's nothing but a handful of ash."

    Completely foregoing all traditions, Part 5 not only drops the archival footage recap, but instead starts with the fake-out dream sequence. The dreamer? No-longer-so-little Tommy Jarvis, riding in the back of a padded paddy wagon to Pinehurst, a minimum security loony bin in the middle of the woods. This sets us up with a much more diverse cast of victims than ever before, such as…

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street

    A Nightmare on Elm Street

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Hey, did you have a nightmare too?"

    Not too long after Jason's death came the death of Freddy Krueger, but that was only the beginning for him. This being the first entry in the series, Freddy is a mysterious figure whose identity is the climax and whose modus operandi is the key to his defeat. No explanation is given to the nature of dreams, nor how anything could cross that veil. Even the ending, which seems to follow the Balinese…

  • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

    Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "And so begins yet another chapter in a story most residents in Crystal Lake prayed was over."

    By tactful editing, the recap that we have now grown accustomed to which opens each new installment, combines the stories of the previous 3 entries to transform Jason into the truly mythic figure we know him as today. The level the film itself reaches is middling. The first hour feels like part 3 all over again, group of teens go up to lakehouse…

  • Friday the 13th Part III

    Friday the 13th Part III

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "What happened to me at the lake happened a long time ago."

    I want to state up front that, despite my great desire to do so, I could not watch it in 3D. I am lucky enough to own my own pair of classic red and blues, but for some reason it's both not working for me and giving me a headache. The first 3D gag where the guy picks up the laundry pole worked fine, but the snake in…

  • Friday the 13th Part 2

    Friday the 13th Part 2

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Jason drowned, Mrs. Voorhees was killed, and Camp Crystal Lake is off limits, got it?"

    5 years have passed, a major retcon ressurects the mongoloid, and the cast of potential victims has doubled. I say potential because all but 6 counselors in training leave to spend one last night out before they really get into training, with Paul & Ginny, the two people in charge of the camp, returning later on after Jason has killed the rest of them. Jason is…

  • Friday the 13th

    Friday the 13th

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "How far is it to Camp Crystal Lake?"

    The most popular work by Sean Cunningham, which is hilarious given he only decided to make it after seeing John Carpenter's Halloween. With the assistance of Victor Miller as writer, and the modern master of practical effects Tom Savini, they manage to create the best twist ending to any horror picture; one that noone could have seen coming in it's day and that you probably won't realize until it's too late. There's…

  • Pretty in Pink

    Pretty in Pink

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Continuing the tradition of John Hughes high school movies, every scene feels so believable and perfectly encapsulates the tones in each interaction, even the ones that don't make a lick of sense.
    Andie is a lower middle class kid who makes her own clothes from stuff she finds at secondhand stores, and dedicates herself to helping her father get over her absent mother and get a real job. Duckie is her quirky friend that is absolutely infatuated with her to…