Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead

Imagine being so starved of entertainment that you start consuming actual dog shit and be like "yo this some gourmet shit." That’s the only explanation I could reasonably conjure up for the amount of overwhelmingly positive reviews that I’m seeing here (anything above a one-star I consider overwhelmingly positive). Actually one of the ugliest looking and dullest piece of shit I think I’ve ever seen. At this point I doubt even fucking Jesus Christ himself could come in here and make a Netflix movie that doesn’t look like dog’s chewed up asshole. I said this in my Irishman review but can anyone confirm or disconfirm if Netflix actually does ask every filmmaker that they signed a blood contract with to shoot on the same makeshift camera that they had lying around the studio parking lot or some Marvel shit like that? Because I just can’t for the life of me figure out why Netflix for all the talks of being taken seriously as one of the big boys now would still be shitting out these absolute fucking visual diarrhea every goddamn fortnight. Just fucking exploding ass on my tv screen. Or maybe that’s just Zack Snyder being Zack Snyder I don’t fucking know.

Take for example the scene where they had to slowly work their way through a horde of hibernating zombies by following the light emitted from these tiny glow sticks. Common sense would dictate that it should look something like this I mean it really doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out. But Zack Snyder - being a genius, defies common sense and fucking breaks new ground here by shooting the entire scene in the most overlit room of all time and it genuinely took me a second to realize oh, this is supposed to be in pitch black and the characters are having trouble seeing five feet in front of them. Not for the viewers anyway because that shit looked like the flash mob here is about to bust a move out in the open.

Tao liked these reviews

All