maria has written 13 reviews for films rated ★★ .

  • Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

    Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

    ★★

    i know there are more important things to comment here, like dan stevens' sexy gay icon russian appeal and jaja ding dong being the new national anthem but did they just call simon and garfunkel semen and garfunkel

  • Scoob!

    Scoob!

    ★★

    dick diCK dICKkkk diCKKKKKK DICKKKKKK diiiiIIIIIICKKKK

  • Manhattan

    Manhattan

    ★★

    no amount of beautiful b&w cinematography can save this self indulgent, pretentious and perverted dogshit

  • Adults in the Room

    Adults in the Room

    ★★

    can i like unsubscribe from being greek please (kidding of course) (not really) (help)

  • Gretel & Hansel

    Gretel & Hansel

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    gretel & hansel more like hansel you didn't do shit in this movie why you even in the title boi

  • The Visit

    The Visit

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    bold of m. night shyamalan to include a scene where a diaper full of shit is being shoved into someone's face to symbolize how much shit he's gonna be shoving into our faces for the next 94 minutes

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★

    yes yes very nice fanfiction......... where's the movie now? wait.... THAT was the movie? yikes

  • A Rainy Day in New York

    A Rainy Day in New York

    ★★

    a rainy day in new york is a 2019 american romantic comedy film written and directed by woody allen. it stars woody allen, woody allen, woody allen, woody allen, woody allen AND woody allen. the film follows the romantic exploits of a young college student (allen) on a week-end vacation in nyc, his home town, trying to further bond with his college girlfriend (allen)

  • Gemini Man

    Gemini Man

    ★★

    gen x will smith: who are you?
    gen z will smith: i'm you but fresh

  • The Angry Birds Movie 2

    The Angry Birds Movie 2

    ★★

    that's cool and all but where's my flappy bird movie at

  • The Laundromat

    The Laundromat

    ★★

    bitches watch the big short once and think they can make a movie

  • The Dead Don't Die

    The Dead Don't Die

    ★★

    iggy pop's "lust for life" suddenly has a whole new meaning