Monster Hunter

Monster Hunter ★★

I'm so unreasonably mad at Paul W.S. Anderson for not making a 90-minute nonstop kaiju boss fight movie feat. a gaggle of talking meat sacks to glue it all together instead of this messy people-first thing.

The first act is promising enough, with CG carnage galore and lots of so-bad-it's-good dialogue from a fun group of grunts. And then it wades into a frustratingly boring and clichéd talky middle that it barely escapes. Mercifully, a couple of eye-rollingly bad "you can trust me, you like the chocolate I gave you, don't you?" exchanges later, it does climb out just in time for a rowdy clash of the titans (Mila Jovovich of course being one of them). And, naturally, with enough time to squeeze in a shamelessly awful attempt to get us to buy into a fleet of these movies. Unless the next one stars the furry chef they dangle in front of us for all of forty seconds, I think I'll stick with the games.

P.S. Wildly uneven creature flicks like this are proof of why Godzilla: King of the Monsters and Kong: Skull Island deserve more credit than they get.

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