Top Gun ★★½

I’m sorry but I much rather prefer the film to be based around Meg Ryan & Goose’s relationship than Maverick and his girlfriend who likes to lick leftover food from Tom Cruise’s chin. Seriously, the sloppy tongue kissing was gross as hell, it’s only acceptable with me and my lady but I don’t want to see that when I watch a movie. I also don’t want to see Tom Cruise in whitey-tightie’s anymore, I believe showing him more than once was enough but apparently the late Tony Scott’s wife must’ve been on set that day. Gosh, look at me, sounding like no fun. Sure, if you love masculinity, nicknames to every character for no reason just to make them sound cool, Val Kilmer chewing gum, sweaty dudes in locker rooms with nothing but towels wrapped around them, Tom Cruise smiling psychotically, sweaty dudes playing volleyball in slo-motion, everyone wearing aviator jackets even off base in the midst of hot temperatures, a very very 80’s soundtrack, extremely gross tongue kissing in which I could smell their saliva from here and some plane noises, then you should fly with this one if you seek out those aspects I just mentioned.

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