Jacob has written 5 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Jonah Hex

    Jonah Hex


    “Now, I can feel your brain rotting right below my hand right as we speak.”

    I thought I’d go about my day by punishing myself so I decided to give this a try. I honestly feel sorry for Megan Fox and I completely understand why she stopped acting. If her sweaty cleavage can’t save a film, then what can? Well, Michael Fassbender’s zany performance tries his hardest to make things fun but unfortunately this film isn’t just suffering from stale…

  • Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Transformers: Dark of the Moon


    The sole reason I started this journey is because I wanted to complete the “Box Office Mojo All Time 100” list. The other reason is because I pay 10 bucks for Netflix a month without using it. So I gave this a shot knowing it wasn’t going to be an easy ride. As a teenager I loved the 1st one but it was the sequel that I knew this franchise wasn’t for me. I went to go see the fourth…

  • The Expendables 3

    The Expendables 3


    They totally went away from what I loved about the second one. This one is even more worse than the first. The new cast or new UFC fighters trying to act is filled with so much staleness that a loaf of bread that’s been left out for a month gives a better taste in my mouth unlike these cringe worthy performances. This tries way too hard to be serious, there’s hardly any fun action scenes and the focus is on…

  • The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1


    I can smell and taste that finish line...

    Some new things happened not that anyone cares but Bella birthed a computer generated vampire baby who can implant future memories in people’s minds...?

    Edward finally gives Bella the D in the most cringe and forced sex scene ever to be displayed on screen, 50 shades style...

    2 hours of filler for the finale, yea that’s about it. Oh, and one quick fight scene that last 3 minutes. 

    Yea. Almost done with this pile of sheeeeeet. Had to give it a half star considering nothing really exciting happens. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  • Fantastic Four

    Fantastic Four


    The editing is so bad. Things happen so fast but little is happening. There’s still no legit explanation of how things are built and how things unfold. Why are they building this teleport thingy? Why do we need other resources from another world to save our own? Why is the government such assholes and why we only get 10 mins of a finale battle that ends in the most generic way? What’s Doom’s motive again for his actions? Listen, this…