Jacob has written 73 reviews for films rated ★★ during 2020.

  • The Twilight Saga: New Moon

    The Twilight Saga: New Moon

    ★★

    Bella: “Do you guys want to go see Face Punch?” 

    Me: Yes! Anything other than this awkward, corny, boring mess of a movie. Matter of fact, just have my face punched in for allowing myself to watch this depressing stuff.

    Better than the first but still a awful movie with stale performances and the beginning of a annoying love triangle. This time around there’s a new love interest for Bella and a new person to save her from distress who…

  • Twilight

    Twilight

    ★★

    Why not make the lockdown more torturous by having a Twilight Saga Marathon! I haven’t read any of the books so I won’t comment or compare them but as a movie on a technical level this is borderline soap opera level of cinema that should only be played on TV and not the big screen. I don’t want to take anything away from the true fans of this teenage soap opera but I have to give my honest opinion. The…

  • The Hangover Part III

    The Hangover Part III

    ★★

    This is the one that doesn’t feel like it should be apart of the trilogy. So messy and unfunny. Such a waste to end it like this. Why didn’t they use the same “hangover” premise as the other ones. The plot with Chow and John Goodman was so dull. This is also the one that is so crazy that nothing feels real. This story unlike the others has no mystery or nothing to gain. The wolf pack feels useless and…

  • AVP: Alien vs. Predator

    AVP: Alien vs. Predator

    ★★

    Would anyone like some nasty, hot, overused Hollywood milk? Just don’t expect it to be fresh...but hey, this time around the milk can be enjoyed by teenagers so we can get more unwanted and unnecessary amount of crappy milk. 

    Seriously, these are even worse than I can remember. I’m honestly surprised they only butchered two iconic characters from the first two, Ripley and Bishop. Surprised they haven’t brought back Ripley’s cat Jonesy and butchered him as well. I do admit,…

  • Alien Resurrection

    Alien Resurrection

    ★★

    Winona Ryder as the robot, which explains a lot about how I feel about her performances is hahaha

    Ron Perlman impersonating a monkey and being a gigantic perv in a Alien movie is hahaha

    Ripley “8”(?) being HELLA WEIRD and being a clone who births aliens? hahaha

    “Who do I have to screw to get off this boat?”.............hahaha

    This whole damn silly movie is hahaha

    Still, the underwater scene is one of the coolest looking scenes in the franchise.

  • Carriers

    Carriers

    ★★

    I remember liking this film in my teenage years. Wow, times have changed. This is absolutely terrible. I must’ve thought Chris Pine’s character was a cool and fun badass. Now that my senses have grown I realize how much of a complete douchebag he is in this. I’d rather take my chances with the virus than spend a day driving around with his character. This is B-Movie performances from our cast, even from the now great Chris Pine. Yes, the…

  • Climax

    Climax

    ★★

    10 minute conversation about anal sex.

    15 minutes of dialogue about who’s going to have sex with who in the room.

    20 minutes of Sofia Boutella tripping off acid in a hallway. 

    25 minutes of wacky waving arm flailing group of “dancers”.

    97 minutes of a film made by a egotistical director looking more for a reaction than actually making a decent coherent film that has some sense of meaning. Prime example of style over substance. 

    It seems that the…

  • Terminator: Dark Fate

    Terminator: Dark Fate

    ★★

    “My past has caught up with me. And...I won’t be back.”

    And I don’t blame you one bit Arnie. Sorry, but I’m about to go on a rant. So basically this movie says that judgment day never happend and skynet never took over the world but yet there was terminators sent from a future THAT NEVER HAPPENED to still be able to kill young John Conor? HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE? Better yet, WHY DOES THIS PLOT EXIST? So terminator…

  • Terminator Genisys

    Terminator Genisys

    ★★

    Phew..........

    Give me a moment to recollect my thoughts.....

    ............this movie was so heavy on my brain

    Okay, here we go. The fifth installment to the terminator series.....ehhhhhaaaaaahhh!

    I’ll start with the positives. There was no bad performances but there wasn’t any that was rememberable either. The cast did their best with what little they had. Kudos goes to Emilia Clarke for playing a kickass Sarah Conor. Arnold Schwarzenegger had more lines in this terminator than any other one he’s…

  • Long Shot

    Long Shot

    ★★

    With this sort of corny humor, it was a long shot for me to enjoy this.

  • Priest

    Priest

    ★★

    As a praying man I thought I would like the idea of a badass priest killing vampires but this was “Blade Runner” meets “Resident Evil” meets “Cowboys and Aliens” meets “Blade” meets “The Two Popes” that turned into one gigantic mess. I’m a big fan of Paul Bettany but even he didn’t show up for this one. This is one of the most forgettable action films I’ve seen in a long time. There were some nice fight sequences but still a very mindless and soulless film. I’ll keep it short, not a fan of this one. However, I will watch anything with Maggie Q involved.

  • House on Haunted Hill

    House on Haunted Hill

    ★★

    “It's a pity you didn't know when you started your game of murder that I was playing too.“

    I wanted to watch a classic that I haven’t seen before and hopefully fall in love with it but unfortunately things took a turn for the worst. Vincent Price does a splendid job but he alone can’t save this unpractical and unexplainable mess. What house has a freaking acid bath in their basement! For people who defends this movie I need to…