Jacob has written 58 reviews for films rated ★★ during 2021.

  • 2012

    2012

    ★★

    I’m so happy the “disaster” genre is slowly fading because these films are simply made to take your money with little to show for it. At least that’s what I believe. The characters are completely unlikable and simply disposable. Cracking jokes while you have your kids on the verge of death isn’t necessarily “funny”. Forced romances in the most worst of times doesn’t sound exactly like an idea time to rekindle a long lost flame. It’s not clever, it’s not…

  • Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

    Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

    ★★

    Everyone has guilty pleasures, whether they want to admit it or not. Anacondas 2 was my late mom and I’s guilty trip down a very nasty amazon with some of the worst company to ever have to be our tour guide.

    Seriously, the characters are so annoying. There is one character who never shuts up and most of his lines is him screaming about how everyone is going to die. I found myself hoping and wondering if their demise would…

  • Shiva Baby

    Shiva Baby

    ★★

    Before I start, i would like to say that these are my personal opinions and if I offend anyone, I apologize but my opinion isn’t going to change but maybe how I express my opinion will, that’s if I receive constructive criticism. I also want to say, I’m not judging anyone who loves this movie, in fact more power to you all, I seriously wish I shared those feelings. With that said let’s begin. 

    Ex Lovers are a burdens, family…

  • Minions

    Minions

    ★★

    Despite how you view my rating, I’m quite surprised how much it didn’t annoy me because this is indeed completely pointless and simply mindless but again, I’m thoroughly pleased that this film wasn’t as awful as I thought it was going to be.

    I still have a soft spot for the cute minions even though I feel this film should’ve never been made but here I was, watching it with my daughter with a huge smile on her face as…

  • The Gospel According to Matthew

    The Gospel According to Matthew

    ★★

    Phew, where do I begin? Let’s start with the positives. It’s nicely shot, the camera is catching all the beauty of the wide open country and the score is absolutely amazing. Score and cinematography, mesmerized me. 

    Let’s begin with the negatives. Pacing is an issue. Tons and tons of talking and it doesn’t help that this film is lengthy in its runtime. People staring at nothing, staring at the sky, staring at the trees, clean-cut Italian gel-haired Jesus posing for…

  • Vampires

    Vampires

    ★★

    John Carpenter is at his worst behavior and boy oh boy he’s completely drunk off the vampire rave that somehow blew up in the late 90’s and early 2000’s and he thought it would be cool to have James Woods of all people to lead a biker gang of vampire hunters and one of the least popular or unlikable Baldwin brothers to be his accomplice... ??? 

    Yea, this was bad from the get-go and I remember somewhat liking it as…

  • Gertrud

    Gertrud

    ★★

    Oh no, why Carl Theodor Dryer, why did you do this to me? 4 films of his before this and each of them felt different from each other but then he gives us this minimalistic, very dreary, extremely mundane but overly melodramatic romantic period piece that reminds me of my grandmother’s “antique” collection that she tried to sale but nobody wanted and it just sits up in the attic collecting dust. This thing was possibly the slowest most boring film…

  • Despicable Me 3

    Despicable Me 3

    ★★

    What in the hell happened? Why is Agnes all of a sudden suffering from ADHD and screaming every chance she gets? Why is everyone rude? Why are the Minions so annoying and come off as completely unlikable? Why does this film feels like its moving at super-speed and why is it so obnoxious? Where’s the heartfelt moments? The daughters are more of a nuisance besides Margo who is the only normal person that doesn’t feel like a sociopath. This 80’s…

  • Black God, White Devil

    Black God, White Devil

    ★★

    So I was excited to see this because I haven’t ventured into Brazilian cinema and my curiosity was urging to see it especially when I have a loyal follower who adores this movie and sorta hyped it up for me but as my rating suggests, I had a very rough time with this. 

    It seems that most films in the 60’s was heavily
    Influenced by Italian Neorealism & The French New Wave of filmmaking (which is why I was worried and…

  • Never Say Never Again

    Never Say Never Again

    ★★

    Never will I watch this movie Never Again.

    Bonus Points: Kim Basinger was 😍

  • Before the Revolution

    Before the Revolution

    ★★

    “Strongly influenced by the French New Wave...”

    You all already know how I feel about that, if you don’t, then now you do. 

    It isn’t best to base a romance about incest. As always in these types of films, the cinematography and score is great.

  • Marnie

    Marnie

    ★★

    Well, after 20 entries that I’ve seen from Hitchcock, it was bound to happen sooner or later. This is his first film that I’ve rated this low and it’s obvious that it’s my least favorite from his filmography. It’s so overly melodramatic, poorly acted, incredibly dull, unnecessarily long and completely uninteresting. God rest his soul but I was never a fan of Sean Connery and this is just another example why, he has the swag but his performances are always…