Jacob has written 59 reviews for films rated ★★ during 2021.

  • Jurassic World

    Jurassic World

    ★★

    Warning: Sorry fanboy rage. 

    “Let’s be honest. No one is impressed by a dinosaur anymore.”

    No. I disagree. Everyone is impressed with dinosaurs, we’re just not impressed with this movie. 

    It was 5 minutes in when I knew this was going to grind my gears. The way this film uses the iconic John Williams theme that all fans before this adored, it is solely used to brainwashing us in thinking this is honoring the films before this. No, it’s not.…

  • Fast & Furious 6

    Fast & Furious 6

    ★★

    Dom - “Ride or die.”

    I don’t know about this one, something seems...

    “That’s not a plane, that’s a planet.” 

    ... off. I’m not sure if it’s the dialogue or if...

    *Vin Diesel flying Headbutt*

    the action is just so unbelievably...

    “Your voice just went from Shaggy to Scooby Doo. This is not what we doooo roo roo!”

    ...corny. This installment feels more like a...

    *The Rock Superman clothesline a dude*

    ...cheap version of Mission Impossible. I...

    “Klaus, aren't you team muscle? Don't make me go over there and make you team pussy.”

    ... think I choose to die instead of ride, Dom.

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Transformers: The Last Knight

    ★★

    This installment is apparently the most disliked but yet I can’t tell a difference from the other installments because they’re all equally bad in their own way. I suppose the editing is at an all-time mess here. Not trying to be sarcastic but in a literal sense, halfway through the film I started to get a bad headache. Not sure if it’s because of the movie or that I’m prone to headaches, regardless, the editing of this film didn’t help…

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction

    ★★

    Cade - [clears throat] Excuse me. There’s no smooching in front of me, okay? I tell you, no respect. It’s just impossible sometimes.

    Optimus Prime - Yeah. I went through that with Bumblebee.

    Me - [thinking in my head after I laughed at that joke] Did I just laugh? Am I really having a somewhat decent time while watching this film? Do I really think that the bad robot “Lockdown” has an ultimate kick-ass design? Do I really enjoy these…

  • Quatermass 2

    Quatermass 2

    ★★

    Brian Donlevy tries his best to give a sincere performance as the professor, coming back for round 2 of another sequel that is just as toneless as the first. I mean, Val Guest has his fans and I respect his vision and ideas but there is literally no personality to be found in his characters and both films consist of lifeless dialogue that wears me down. A completely dull film.

  • Horrors of the Black Museum

    Horrors of the Black Museum

    ★★

    I was impressed with some of the clever deaths that involves a guillotine and a pair of eye-gouging binoculars. Michael Gough gives a fairly decent performance as this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde looney writer but other than what I just mentioned, there’s not much else. The very corny tone to the movie doesn’t know if it wants to be silly or serious and it just gets plain dumb. The acting is extremely horrendous and the pacing is abysmal. I usually give B-movie horror the benefit of the doubt but this one was extremely lifeless with no personality.

  • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    ★★

    When I was 19 this was the one that I decided I will not be giving anymore effort into seeing these anymore. I’ll explain in little detail why this one sealed the deal for me.

    Robot humps Megan Fox’s leg. 
    John Turturro’s ass shot.
    Michael Bay who is obviously lusting for Megan Fox. I mean, I love eye candy but not in this type of fashion. 
    Sam’s annoying parents.
    The cringe and I mean hella cringe dialogue.
    The list goes…

  • Transformers

    Transformers

    ★★

    Well, if I’m going to spend 10 bucks every month on Netflix, I might as well use it to my advantage and give this Transformers franchise a go. 

    Believe it or not, as a kid, I was never into Transformers. I guess I was too hung up on Dragon Ball Z and Pokémon. Nevertheless, I was excited to see this in theaters. As a 17 year old teen, I enjoyed it. Matter fact, I loved it. I thought the Optimus…

  • Floating Clouds

    Floating Clouds

    ★★

    What do I get when I’m watching 2 pathetic characters and despicable side characters who’s outlook on life is about as bleak and morbid as this toxic love affair that I’m supposed to feel miserable for? Well, I get a floating depressing grey cloud hovering over me that’s dropping huge chunks of hail on my head. 

    Bonus Points: The only sad part about this film is that I’m watching it during a pandemic where I can’t travel to Tokyo because the cinematography and filming location is absolutely stunning.

  • The Court Jester

    The Court Jester

    ★★

    As for a musical comedy, I didn’t feel no joy nor did I laugh at any of the jesters. At times, I was impressed with the cleverly written dialogue but not once did I break out a laugh. Obviously by my rating this film just felt completely flat for me and I would like to just move on from it. It has a high rating and that may be deservingly so but for me, I couldn’t wait for this Robin Hood/Shakespearean musical comedy to be over with.

  • Satantango

    Satantango

    ★★

    A specific scene was shown that helped me made up my mind about this film and it involves a cat. I’m not an easy person to offend but when it comes to cats, I completely turn into a softy. I can stomach animal deaths in films when it’s practical effects or computer generated but when I see a live animal being mistreated for the sake of “cinema”, well then that sorta film is trash. That’s all I have to say about this 7hr “masterpiece” that I opted out of halfway through. The cinephiles can have this one.

  • Around the World in Eighty Days

    Around the World in Eighty Days

    ★★

    “Call a bobbie! I've been robbed.”

    In all fairness, it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I’ve seen some claiming this to be the worst Oscar Best Picture Winner and I’d have to respectfully disagree. I look at it like this, it’s like going on vacation but I’m forced to go with someone I don’t like. Yea, it’s a long trip and it’s even longer with unlikable people around but if I ignore the obvious…