Those has written 33 reviews for films during 2020.

  • Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?

    Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?

    “We need to talk about Kevin.”

  • Cinema Paradiso

    Cinema Paradiso


    A very cute but not especially bright puppy taking a lil piddle on the carpet of cinema.

  • Jessica Forever

    Jessica Forever


    Kinda like if Apichatpong Weerasethakul directed a Metal Gear Solid game.

  • Bandits of Orgosolo

    Bandits of Orgosolo


    With the possible exception of human beings, no animal makes for a better or more versatile filmic subject than the sheep. At a distance their stark white fluff can stand out against any landscape, while up close their blank, Bressonian faces can belie any emotion. A herd of them can be molded into whatever geometric configuration a given composition requires and adjusted to accommodate any degree of depth or breadth. Their state of constant visual and aural flux is lively…

  • Killer Grandma

    Killer Grandma

    Part 2/? of my accidental marathon of Lifetime movies starring DS9 cast members. If Garak shows up in one of these I'm gonna scream.

  • From Straight A's to XXX

    From Straight A's to XXX

    To me the main appeal of Lifetime movies - neoclassical melodramas that they are - is the friction between their obligatory surface reinforcement of social norms and the primal passions clawing their way out from underneath. The harder the movie can ricochet between Hallmark and horror, the better.

    So while this is surprisingly nuanced for Lifetime, which I guess is admirable in the abstract, in practice that even-handedness only ends up making the film feel more like a shoddy attempt at a "real" movie than the full-bore, productively trashy Lifetime movie it could be.

  • Relaxer



    The ultimate Hot Couch Guy movie.

  • Bad Twin

    Bad Twin

    You know you’ve been watching too many Lifetime movies when you start to recognize the house from other Lifetime movies.

  • Cats



    Part of me wishes that this transcendently stupid boondoggle had been directed by someone more competent and less boring than Tom Hooper, someone who could have unleashed the true batshit monsterpiece potential frustratingly held somewhat in check here by Hooper’s stifling middlebrow non-style. Then again, the hollow thunk of two artless upper-crust dipshits bonking their empty heads together is an immensely satisfying sound, and the schadenfreude of watching said dipshits, who have both traditionally enjoyed great and wildly unearned success and…