• Driven to the Edge

    Driven to the Edge

    This one gets points for actually taking place in something approaching an identifiable milieu instead of the hermetically sealed (though often dramatically productive!) Polly Pocket universes of most Lifetime movies.

    It also contains one (1) genuinely impressively executed joke, when the best friend’s Threadless tee-clad boyfriend jokingly asks everyone if they want to invest in his app, then repeats his question with complete sincerity and we immediately cut to the next scene before anyone can respond. Fun stuff!

  • The Wrong Real Estate Agent

    The Wrong Real Estate Agent

    Hands down the best new film of 2021 so far.

  • Murder Death Koreatown

    Murder Death Koreatown

    ★★★½

    creepypastors

  • Destination: Infestation

    Destination: Infestation

    There’s a scene where Antonio Sabàto, Jr. dispatches some killer ants and then quips “it’s no picnic, eh?” which is all I need to call this movie an unqualified success.

  • The Psycho She Met Online

    The Psycho She Met Online

    they said “shit” in a Lifetime movie 🤭

  • The Gulf of Silence

    The Gulf of Silence

    ★★★★

    What this film has in abundance that most UFO stories lack entirely is perspective. Whether they’re works of pure fiction or the sincere accounts of true believers, the vast majority of these kinds of stories tend to be either far too narrow, burrowing ever-deeper down a rabbit hole of esoteric conspiracy lore and self-inflating paranoia, or far too broad, placing humanity at the center of all cosmic happenings and taking for granted the quasi-theological assumption that the aliens could only…

  • The Tiger of Eschnapur

    The Tiger of Eschnapur

    ★★★

    Love to see Fritz Lang returning to his roots, and in dazzling color no less. That saïd...

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★

    I’m beginning to suspect that the real reason Nolan loves playing with representations of time so much is to obscure the fact that he knows fuck-all about how to represent space.

  • Ham on Rye

    Ham on Rye

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    You either die the narrator of a Billy Joel song or live long enough to become the narrator of a Bruce Springsteen song.

    One could easily walk away from this movie finding its vision of growing up incredibly depressing, but I don’t quite see it that way because overall the film seems much more interested in expressing a subjective emotional truth than in observing a cold, hard material one. The grittier “realism” of the back half is no less of…

  • Johnny Mnemonic

    Johnny Mnemonic

    ★★★

    A deadly pandemic exacerbated by corporate greed, people losing themselves to the Internet, telepathic computer hacking cyborg dolphins, VR, video chat, “iPhones.” This movie’s predictions for 2021 are spot-on!

  • A Recipe for Seduction

    A Recipe for Seduction

    Yes, at the end of the day it’s just a high concept fast food ad, but I do genuinely admire their commitment to the bit: for all intents and purposes this is a real Lifetime movie, condensed to hit all the necessary beats within 16 minutes and played with only the slightest of winks. It’s entirely unnecessary but very much welcome if like me you’re the kind of person who not only knows the difference between My Husband’s Secret Wife and All My Husband’s Wives but has strong opinions about their relative places in the canon.

  • Baraka

    Baraka

    ★★★

    A film full of literally jaw-dropping images that unfortunately tries to have it both ways w/r/t organizing itself around a deliberate thesis vs. “letting the images speak for themselves” and ends up largely failing to accomplish either as a result. There are times where this feels a bit too much like an upscale Mondo film.

    That match cut from the wavy lines raked into an elderly woman’s zen garden to the veins on the back of her hand tho 😙👌