Mortal Kombat ★★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

It is 2021. No one is dumb enough to need an origin story to accept Sub-Zero. He's a ninja with ice powers who wears blue because ice is blue. Got it. We didn't need to see Chewbacca choose his bandolier and we don't need to see Scorpion choose his knife-hook deal.

Also, it is 2021. There has been enough of a resurgence in well-filmed action and martial arts that your movie ABOUT MARTIAL ARTISTS should have clear long takes with 200% less edits. Watch a John Wick. Rent a Scott Adkins. Check out something from Indonesia. Come on now.

Thirdly: it is 2021. Why can't we have a fun antagonistic shithead who is still just good enough to stay a hero and not die or betray the good guys? It is why I stopped watching Walking Dead after Season 3 and it is why Kano is boring in this.

But wait: It is 2021. I think movies have taken end credit scenes for granted. The big tease is...Johnny Cage? A character we already saw in the older movies? Lame. If you can't bring that Nick-Fury-swiveling around-and-thereby-changing-cinema energy, leave it at home.

Get it together, movies!

It is still kind of fun though, hence several stars. Also I am just plain never mean enough.