Timmy has written 22 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales


    And now my watch has ended. I will now spend the remaining 8 years of my daughter's childhood trying to find out why she likes these so much?

    This one has some of the fun stuff and some fun ridiculous set pieces, all on land. Once they hit the water it's boring. That's weird right?

    Anyways, I think it is time for me to show my kid some more Errol Flynn movies.

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

    Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides


    I like Ian McShane and Penelope Cruz, so I am clicking "like" here. I also like that it was almost not super long. I also would like to peek in on Earth 2, where this one was successful enough to finish its story and give us a "Merman Priest" spin-off.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    It is 2021. No one is dumb enough to need an origin story to accept Sub-Zero. He's a ninja with ice powers who wears blue because ice is blue. Got it. We didn't need to see Chewbacca choose his bandolier and we don't need to see Scorpion choose his knife-hook deal.

    Also, it is 2021. There has been enough of a resurgence in well-filmed action and martial arts that your movie ABOUT MARTIAL ARTISTS should have clear long takes with…

  • April Fool's Day

    April Fool's Day


    Man...there was so much of this that I was on board with in an "enjoying a middle-grade 80s slasher" kind of way, but if you've seen the movie, you know why I have reservations. I feel like I'll be spending the rest of my life figuring out whether or not I actually liked this.

  • Justice League

    Justice League


    The only other time I've seen this was on a tiny screen on the back of a seat on an airplane. It definitely is an "Airplane Movie."

    That isn't exactly an insult, but the whole thing just feels so muted and held back, that it's good for passing the time, but isn't engrossing. I think that comes from a pretty lame villain, and the fact that it was kinda stapled together due to Zach Snyder having to leave and let…

  • Rise of the Guardians

    Rise of the Guardians


    Love it when Hollywood takes a great simple concept like "Santa and the Easter Bunny have weapons and fight bad guys," then get all self-conscious about being "cool" so they make 70% of it about some Bieber-haired lesser demigod that no one cares about.

    Also, if I get your Santa movie mixed up with an owl movie, your title is too generic.

    A product of cowardice.

    This is why we can't have nice things.

    (I have a cold)

  • Roald Dahl's The Witches

    Roald Dahl's The Witches


    Octavia Spencer was great, and I liked this ending better than the other adaptation, but it's just not that charming.

    I don't have one of those automatic aversions to CGI like some people, but here it's just not as cool as the effects from the 1991 version! That probably had some CGI too, but you get what I mean.

  • Blade: Trinity

    Blade: Trinity


    After the ending credits for BLADE: TRINITY, the screen just says "WORD" and then they show Blade driving a car for like five seconds. I straight up don't understand what was going on there. Was that their big definitive exit for this character?

    Everything before that is just kind of "another Blade movie," which is not a bad thing, but just not as exciting as the first two. All the "Blade stuff" is there, just not as fresh or well-executed…

  • Phantasm IV: Oblivion

    Phantasm IV: Oblivion


    Well, when a movie series gets this crazy and all-over-the-place, eventually you're going to have to tie things together, and unfortunately, Phantasm OblIVion does that by becoming a clip show of the past three movies.

    I do like the way they use some unused footage from the first film, and I also liked a lot of what was happening in the ending, but it didn't feel like enough for a whole movie. There also wasn't enough monsters or gore, but…

  • The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

    The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian


    Better than LION, WITCH, ETC., but probably because the material from the second book lends itself a bit more to the mandated "EPIC FANTASY" feeling that is so forced on a series that doesn't need it. And the Telmarines could have been regular white dudes, not the "vaguely Middle Eastern stereotype villains," wtf you guys.

    Something positive? Well there is a stealth attack in the middle that is really cool...but was added solely to make the movie longer? Jeepers.

  • Scoob!



    The 60s-70s Scooby-Doo cartoon had a very silly tone that this movie captures pretty well, with the dialogue and sound effects and the animation. On the other hand, this is 2020, so there are also some meta-jokes which are not too heavy-handed, but the efforts to establish some kind of "Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe" take you out of the story more than anything else. Was this really meant to launch a "Captain Caveman" series or something?

    But the voice work is great, and the characters at the core of the movie are fun. Feel like it would be a great 22-minute show. Weird idea, I know!

  • Well Groomed

    Well Groomed


    I don't understand this world and I hope the dogs aren't in trouble