Black Christmas

Black Christmas ★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

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At least from what I’ve found, Black Christmas is the rare bad movie where it actually sounds pretty amazing in theory. The first film was made in reaction to the Roe v Wade case legalizing abortion, so it only makes sense to remake it in the wake of the Me Too movement. It does. It really does, and I really am not trying to be sarcastic. And to that point, I also really appreciate that Black Christmas tries to harken back to a lot of older horror movies, up to and including Suspiria, especially near the ending. The problem is that the 2019 Black Christmas movie is the praxis. The Suspiria tinged bits make up the most convoluted final act...maybe ever, and probably ever in terms of horror films, partly because I don’t think it knows what it’s trying to say, because of that it never sticks the landing, and it also brings in magic and shit. Off the wall garbage that is bound to leave the audience confused and upset. It certainly makes me appreciate the build up more, even if it was as subtle as a brick to the head. (Yes, there were some good moments. Like I said, I am absolutely not against the film in general, I think it sends a good message for the most part, whether or not I think the film is actually equally good.) In all ways except thematically, the Black Christmas remake is emblematic of every horror remake attempting to subvert the story, if that’s what you want to call it, while at points following it to an absolute T, and the resulting mix just doesn’t work for me. Hard to stay too mad at a film just trying to do good things, though.