• Malignant

    Malignant

    ★★★

    Major Professor Quirrell vibes. (iykyk)
    I bow down to this queen of suppressing bad memories; she has a lot to teach.
    I’m choosing to believe that no CGI was used in the making of this film.

  • Britney vs. Spears

    Britney vs. Spears

    ★★★

    I felt so proud when Britney said “I wasn’t good: I was great!” Yes, girl, you are great.
    These documentarians were clearly too close to the subject to be objective.
    May Jamie Spears rot in hell.

  • Arrival

    Arrival

    ★★½

    The idea of breaching communication without a starting point is fascinating.
    I was with them until the last 15 minutes when I completely lost the plot.
    It’s very like humans to immediately respond with fear and aggression toward something unknown.

  • Pray Away

    Pray Away

    ★★½

    These people will spend the rest of their lives unlearning the hate they have for themselves.
    It’s amazing anyone ever believed these folks passed as straight. 😅
    There is no limit to the lengths people will go to fit in.

  • Closet Monster

    Closet Monster

    Sweet, in kind of a tragic sort of way.
    The previews really don’t prepare you for the weirdness.
    That bathroom break with the polo felt very genuine. 🙊

  • In the Heights

    In the Heights

    ★★★½

    A beautiful ensemble of actors, singers and dancers!
    The story of Usnavi’s name is incredibly endearing.
    I’m really craving some piraguas right about now.

  • Dances with Wolves

    Dances with Wolves

    ★★★★

    Kevin Costner is really, really, really ridiculously good looking.
    Surprisingly little wolf dancing occurred.
    White people absolutely ruin EVERYTHING.

  • Thunder Force

    Thunder Force

    ★★½

    Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy are the wholesome comedy duo we need in 2021.
    Where can I find a sexy, mutant crab-man?
    I can’t understand the appeal of those cramped, squatty sports cars.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★★½

    It’s the mythology for me.
    I gotta get me one of those Kung Lao hats.
    Why was this actually good?

  • Another Round

    Another Round

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Midlife crises: first they’re sweet, then they’re sour.
    European high school seems very stressful.
    Don’t drink and boat.

  • My Octopus Teacher

    My Octopus Teacher

    ★★½

    This was a sweet story, but it was also dreadfully boring.
    That octopus was kind of a hoarder, tbh.
    Being an octopus sounds like it would be mostly terrifying, but the ink part seems fun.

  • The United States vs. Billie Holiday

    The United States vs. Billie Holiday

    ★★★★

    Andra Day is stunning and heartbreaking as the beautifully tragic Billie Holiday.
    Southern trees bear a strange fruit.
    The American government proving once again to be the biggest threat to the lives of Black Americans.