The Lion King

The Lion King ½

hmmm.... there really is NO flavor to this!

Part of me (a very VERY small, microscopic part that is) feels guilty giving this a half a star because there’s clearly a team of talented VFX artists behind it, but when they’re working under the direction of a multi-billion dollar mega-conglomerate board room eating away at the film industry and the concept of good movies as we know it, who’s really to blame? 

I hated every second of this. I mean like, a genuine vitriolic HATE. Just when this year’s past Disney live-action remakes were bad enough, this one sets the bar into the deepest depths of Hell. Where Dumbo and Aladdin at least allowed an audience to laugh at how bad they were, The Lion King puts its audience right to sleep. It’s uninspired and dull on every facet—from the emotionless voice work to the musical numbers I instantly forgot about. Neil Breen has written and delivered better dialogue in each of his movies than anyone did in this movie, and yes I’m 100% positive when I say that. I give credit where credit is due however: it’s not easy turning one of the most invigorating and inspiring films of my childhood into one of the most boring films I’ve ever seen in my entire life (and this is coming from who watched all 3.5 hours of Jeanne Dielman).

I know I’m just one person in a crowd of millions of people blindly giving money to these live-action remakes, but Disney PLEASE STOP! LIKE SERIOUSLY! STOOPPPPP!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!

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