Favorite films

  • Paddington 2
  • Where Eagles Dare
  • Raiders of the Lost Ark
  • A Bridge Too Far

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  • The Pool

    ★★½

  • Hillbilly Elegy

    ★★

  • Neighbours

    ★★★½

  • Transylvania 6-5000

    ★★★

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  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad

    ★★½

    Oh, that she is. The fire in my loins. The itch in my crotch. The one, the only, the infamous Harley Quinn!

    You see, I was going to write a scathing review of Suicide Squad but I got on Katana's bad side for being a hunka hunka, and now my soul is trapped in her sword forever.

  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

    The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

    ★★★

    Quality Percentage: 59%
    Enjoyability Rating: 7/10

    The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Apted, 2010)
    ⭐⭐⭐ ⚠️
    ------------------------------------------------------

    There once were two orphans who wasted their time believing in Narnian nursery rhymes.

    Will Poulter is just perfect casting as Eustace Scrubb so it's going to be tough replacing him in the forthcoming TV show that is... definitely... going to be made.

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  • The Pool

    The Pool

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Quality Percentage: 54%
    Enjoyability Rating: 7/10

    The Pool (Lumpraploeng, 2018)
    ⭐⭐½ ⚠️
    ------------------------------------------------------

    Six metres.

    It's so fucking stupid. I know, crazy right? A film about a roaring crocodile that terrorises a guy in a pool that for some reason doesn't have a ladder which culminates in a dog hanging itself, is somehow inherently stupid. 🤔

    Nicely intense though. They at least got something right.

  • Hillbilly Elegy

    Hillbilly Elegy

    ★★

    Quality Percentage: 36%
    Enjoyability Rating: 5/10

    Hillbilly Elegy (Howard, 2020)
    ⭐⭐ ❌
    ------------------------------------------------------

    Everyone in this world is one of three kinds. A good Terminator, a bad Terminator, or neutral.

    Sorry, what? What the fuck does that even mean? Glenn Close's character just says the stupidest things throughout the film, like "Cause we're hill people JD, we respect our dead."

    We all love a bit of poverty porn, don't we? We always like to see 'clever' poor people and 'rednecks'…

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  • Joker

    Joker

    ★★★½

    Quality Percentage: 73%
    Enjoyability Rating: 7/10

    Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?

    Now before we start, Joker was 100% definitely not the greatest film of the year as almost everyone was saying. Perhaps Joaquin deserves the Best Actor Award, sure? But Todd Phillips for Best Movie...nah.

    I will give it to him though, Joker was unexpectedly funnier than I thought - and that's from the guy who did The Hangover movies so obviously he's been…

  • The Lion King

    The Lion King

    ★★½

    Quality Percentage: 48%
    Enjoyability Rating: 6/10

    Long live the King!

    So, before we begin, I have to get at all the motherfuckers going around calling this live-action. I will repeat this but I'm sure it will fall on deaf ears - The Lion King (2019) is not live-action!!

    The animation is beautiful, just fantastically beautiful, but Favreau keeps it too safe and doesn't really add much to a remake of the Disney classic. That is probably its biggest mistake but…