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  • Patrick

    Patrick

    ★★

    I swear, if I have to look at a close-up of Patrick's constipated apathy one more time I'm gonna skewer his skull with an apple corer.

  • Jurassic Park III

    Jurassic Park III

    ★★★

    Much better than Jurassic World

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  • Midnight in Paris

    Midnight in Paris

    The cinematic equivalent of an injection needle that looks clean but actually there's hepatitis on it.

  • Yor, the Hunter from the Future

    Yor, the Hunter from the Future

    Ah! I remember this had a great theme song with some dazzling hill frolicking committed by the titular character. Then it quickly devolved into a laborious trudge in fifty shades of brown sludge.