Sloppy appreciator.
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Vampires 1998
THIS MOVIE SUCKS! DEPT.
For generations, vampires have terrified and captivated audiences all over the world with their amoral appetites and seductive malignancy. If you're looking for more of that, though, you better go watch Dracula again, because this is ...
JOHN CRAP'N'SLUR'S SHAMPIRES
"I'm Jack Slow, f&!@king vampire hunter! I was hired by the Catholic Church to hunt and kill vampires, so it's only fitting that I swear like a f*&!king priest! Plus, it's cheaper than hiring screenwriters!"
"I'm…
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She-Devils on Wheels 1968
There once was a gang called the Man-Eaters /
They rode on one- and two-seaters /
It's easy to tell, they liked to raise hell /
and in cutting off heads they're the leaders
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They All Laughed 1981
To my knowledge the first and only melancholy screwball comedy, capturing the structure and rhythm of its studio era forebears but with a tone that seems a lot closer to our sad but occasionally magical real lives. I needed this movie today man.
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The First Swallow 1942
A beautiful cartoon about the first ever swallow to make its home at the Mission San Juan Capistrano. I am a diehard secularist but I have to admit that there are aspects of monkhood that I think would appeal to me. And to being a bird as well.
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Punch-Drunk Love 2002
When I was 17 or 18 I was eating lunch at this place called New York Subs (now closed) and I ordered my sandwich and sat down in front of this man (who I later learned was my parents' dentist, incidentally) who was by himself waiting on his food. When the waitress came by to bring him his order, I heard her ask him about the crossword puzzle he was doing. "Yeah, I find it's a lot easier to do…
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