THIS MOVIE SUCKS! DEPT.
For generations, vampires have terrified and captivated audiences all over the world with their amoral appetites and seductive malignancy. If you're looking for more of that, though, you better go watch Dracula again, because this is ...
JOHN CRAP'N'SLUR'S SHAMPIRES
"I'm Jack Slow, f&!@king vampire hunter! I was hired by the Catholic Church to hunt and kill vampires, so it's only fitting that I swear like a f*&!king priest! Plus, it's cheaper than hiring screenwriters!"
The Michael Curtiz/Lionel Atwill/Fay Wray/two strip Technicolor warmup for Mystery of the Wax Museum is a little pokier and more convoluted but it does have one of the very best climaxes in all of 1930s horror cinema so it evens out. It had been over 12 years since I last saw this movie but I still remembered the killer's repeated intonations of "synthetic flesh...," only in my memory he said it like a dozen times instead of just two or three. A great movie for any fan of the Hollywood whodunit eccentric scientist stock suspect -- here, all the suspects are eccentric scientists.
The two-strip Technicolor period was such a magical era for pulp cinema, and this is a great concentration of the process's unique atmosphere. Starts as a hallucinogenic nightmare on the theme of art vs commerce, fades into a more conventional spooky wax museum mystery, but Glenda Farrell deserves all the credit in the world for embodying perhaps the definitive plucky girl journalist in the history of movies.
When I was 17 or 18 I was eating lunch at this place called New York Subs (now closed) and I ordered my sandwich and sat down in front of this man (who I later learned was my parents' dentist, incidentally) who was by himself waiting on his food. When the waitress came by to bring him his order, I heard her ask him about the crossword puzzle he was doing. "Yeah, I find it's a lot easier to do…
"Strip Monopoly" might sound like a fun game but I can think of several problems with this mode of play. For one, this notion that players are to strip "instead of paying rent" - um, doesn't that negate Monopoly's entire in-game economy? Here's just one hypothetical scenario that shows the cracks in paying rent by stripping: Let's say I invest all of my money in building hotels on the orange properties (St. James Place, New York Avenue, and Tennessee Avenue,…